The first reason why the Iphone 3GS price is high in Brazil has to do with the ex(h)orbitant taxes that the government applies to cell phones made outside the country. “Tax(es) are more expensive than a(n) airplane ticket to (the) US plus the money to purchas(e) the same mobile,” said Roberto Silva, a 24 years old student, to Veja Magazine published on October 27th. He and his friends have declined to buy the new Apple gadget, once they have found about the Iphone’s price. However, what many costumers don’t know is that more than half of the price is composed of suffocating taxes. According to Abinee (Associação Brasileira da Indústria Elétrica e Eletrônica) on its report released (in) 2009, (taxes) for imported cell phone(s) can be more than 60%, including IPI, ICMS, Broker costs and PIS/Confins. “It’s is an awful burden for the costumers that don’t see these amount returning in high-quality public services” said Antonio Amorin, Abinee President. Therefore, these heavy duty that are imposed (on the) Iphone 3GS by Brazilians law as a barrier for cell phones made outside the country will maintain its price up high for the Brazilians customers.

The second reason why the Iphone 3GS has a steep price comparing with the American is based also on the profit margin set by the telephone service companies. (I)n the last two decades(,) a revolution in the telephone service (has taken place). From poor governmental service to specialized private assistance, a (wave) of investment (has come) from all tele companies in order to make this radical change. Ricardo Saldanha, 54 years old and 20 years working as a IT engineer for a cell phone company, remember(s) this period. “It was more expensive than starting from scratch, because we needed to replace all old equipment used by the preceding governmental companies”. Consequently, to recover all these funds spent by all telephone corporations, the profit margin for their services are considerabl(y) high. In addition, while the US company that is allowed to purchase the Iphone can require a two years contract with the buyer, the Brazilian companies, by law, can only make a one year contract, wh(ich) also influences to rise (of) the cell phone prices. João Castro, 34 economist, said to Valor Econômico printed last Sunday that “(the)bigger the investment, (the) bigger the risk for the telephone companies; and the only way to get out of this risky situation is to (aim at) a higher profit and, as a result, charging high prices for their products”. Thus, making the Iphone value higher, the telephone companies want to increase their profit(s) and through these earnings regain part of the investment they have made in this mobile service market.

The third cause why the Iphone 3GS is (at) the stores with at least three times more expensive than the American ones is the frenzy of thousands (of) consumers that see the new Apple good as an icon of status and keep crowding the stores and (consuming) the available units, (regardless) of the price. Three weeks after the Iphone 3GS (w)as launched in Brazil, it was almost impossible to find it available (i)n some stores. The telephone corporations are celebrating the sales(,) but also are complaining (about) the low quantity of (the)Iphone 3GS exported by Apple. “If, (by) any chance, 300 Iphone just appear in my store, I guarantee you that I could sell it in less then 3 days” said proudly the VIVO manager of the Villa Lobos Mall store, Marcos Pereira. At the same store, Silvia Nakata, 28, Ambev Sale Manager, was disappointed for not finding the new Apple mobile. “Everybody in my department wants to have one 3GS Iphone and some of them keep on showing them to all colleagues as a status certificate”, she said. According to Dr. Waltenberg, 65, psychologist, (i)n his interview about the Iphone phenomenon published by UOL on October 1st, everyone wants to reach a status level higher than your own possibilities for the moment, “if you can’t buy a mansion, you will want at least to buy a nice car to show everybody; if can’t afford an expensive car, you will buy something else to get the other (people’s) attention and now the Iphone is the new h(i)t, (and)later it will be placed for something else”. As long as the 3GS phone sales (have skyrocketed) due to the huge demand, it will follow the economic law, manipulating the price to stay at stratospheric level. In conclusion, as long as the Iphone is considered as a powerful status icon by the customers, the demand will sustain the elevated cost for the fashion and innovative cell phone created by Apple.

Even though Brazil has a lower GDP and a inferior per capita income comparing with same US indexes, according to 2008 IMF database report publised (i)n Febuary, the new Iphone 3GS is purchased in Brazil with a (high) upper price contrasting with what is paid by the Americans for the same product. This (phenomenon) occurs because of the massive taxes, the profit hung(er) of the telephone companies and the status sensation that the new Macintosh mobile provides. However, this huge price gap between identical products commercialized in Brazil and abroad appears not only with mobiles but also with several other technological items that are not made in our country. As long as the new technologies produced outside are doomed to have offensive high value, it will be available only for a small part of the society, not reaching its full capacity of promoting innovation everywhere and to anyone. Until the High-Tec is perceived as a shared progress that should be accessible to the majority, the Iphone 3GS new buyers will need to pay the bitten bill.

Content: 5 / 5
Structure: 5 / 5
Vocabulary: 5 / 5 (AVOID THE SECOND PERSON)
Grammar: 5 / 5
Mechanics: 5 / 5

Total: 25 / 25

The first reason why marriage ends in divorce is the low frequency of sexual relation(ship). To a lot of couples, rather than sex being a loving act, it turns into an angry argument that pulls them apart. As a matter of fact, when one partner doesn’t want to have sex as often as the other, this unbalanced interest in sex leads to frustration. A recent study by the Creighton University Center for Marriage and Family shows that 80% of the married couples who got divorced engaged in sex less than 118 times a year(,) which is considered by the study a low frequency rate. Sex therapists, according to this study, state that when couples are not able to enjoy moments of intimacy or simply do not want to have sex in a healthy frequency(,) the end of the relationship is near as sex is one of the three (legs) of the marital union together with finances and mutual respect. If one is not working, the other two are affected and as a result there is the deterioration of the marriage. Therefore, the lack of regular sexual activity makes couples divorce.

The second reason why husband and wife separate is the interaction between people with different natures. Sharing space with another person means that all that is done will bear on someone else. The main concern is how to deal with the consequences of the acts. Living in harmony is the target of a married couple(,) which demands a real commitment to the relationship. According to the psyc(h)ologist Paula Carvalho in her article “Divorce: Main Causes & Effects” published in Men’s Health magazine on September 30th, divorce is a consequence of a failure in the process of living together. She says that “the lack of understanding and the lack of patience are examples of this failure”. Paula Carvalho ends her article stating that ”someone wise once said that it takes two wholes to make a marriage, not two halves”. Thus, couples who have personality differences or irreconcilable differences meaning different expectations about life are condemned to separation.

The third reason why couples divorce is women’s self-reliance. Women, in the present times, with access to better and higher education and consequently higher salaries, are less willing to put up with traditional roles and expectations. “Our grandmothers actually tolerated all kinds of temper tantrums because they could not find any other way to survive” says Diane Parker, sociologist. However, women have now all the independence and all the liberties to choose the man they want to get married and also to break up whenever they want to. A survey conducted by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers shows that 85% of women consider divorc(ing) if they are not happy in the(ir) marriage. Since survival is not the main concern anymore, women do not see any other obstacle(s) (in) their search for happiness, and even splitting up is preferable to staying together for the (sake of the) children or to keep up social appearances. As a result, women empowerment favors the couples’ separation.

(In other words,) people give up their marriages mostly because of problems with (their) sexual life, irreconcilable differences and the women’s financial situation enhancement. There are many different and complex causes and reasons for divorce, though, such as poor communication, financial problems and infidelity, each of them specific to that particular couple’s marital relationship, their individual experiences and personal problems. On the other hand, divorces often happen because people rarely discuss their expectations in detail prior to marriage, are less willing to work on their marriages afterwards, and would like quick solutions rather than having to resolve issues.

Content: 5 / 5
Structure: 5 / 5
Vocabulary: 5 / 5
Grammar: 5 / 5
Mechanics: 4 / 5

Total: 24 / 25

First, the Arrival of superstars in the American League helped boost the Major League Soccer (MLS) and consequently, the soccer popularity in the country. The Arrival of David Beckham has clearly had a positive impact on soccer in the US. Not since the US Women’s National Team won the 1999 Women’s World Cup has the sport generated such mainstream interest. What has not received equivalent coverage is that before Beckham’s signing, soccer in the US – particularly Major League Soccer (MLS) – was at its strongest point ever and already poised for significant growth. Attendance is another area that Beckham has already impacted positively. The Galaxy has sold an additional 7000 season tickets since the Beckham signing – increasing revenue by $5 million compared to 2006 – and will almost certainly sell-out all of its post-Beckham arrival matches at the 27000-seat Home Depot Centre. Despite its worst ever start to a season, the team is averaging around 24000 per match, up 3000 on last season and top among the 13-team MLS (the league has averaged approximately 15000 per match over its first eleven seasons, well below its potential yet still ranking it among the top-12 leagues in the world). In fact(,) the arrival of superstars to the professional soccer league in America brought not only more supporters to the ‘beautiful game’ but also, commercial impact and more revenues. Therefore, American soccer is now gaining popularity all over the country due to the arrival of superstars in the American League.

Second, the trail of success of the United States men’s and women’s national teams (has) helped gain a place in the American hearts. Unlike in most soccer playing nations, the growth of the women’s game in the U.S. has helped increase overall interest in soccer in the United States. Both the 1999 and 2003 FIFA Women’s World Cups were held in the United States, and the United States has emerged as one of the best national teams in the world. They are currently ranked first in the FIFA Women’s World Rankings, have won two of the five FIFA Women’s World Cups held thus far, and have also won gold medals in three of the four Olympic women’s football tournaments held to date. The crowd of over 90,000 at the Rose Ball for the 1999 FIFA Women’s World Cup Final remains the largest crowd in the world ever to witness any women’s sporting event. About the men’s national team, after hosting the 1994 FIFA World Cup, the team (has) prove(n) its value reaching the quarterfinal in the 2002 World Cup and more recently, were Runners-Up at the 2009 FIFA Confederation Cup losing to Brazil. Such results will certainly make more Americans be keen on soccer. (Therefore), with the success of both men’s and women’s national teams, the US (is) taking a leap forward to make the sport popular in the country.

Third, more youth sports organizations (have been)adopting soccer into their programs. Until 1980s, most high schools did not offer soccer at all, and youth soccer programs were extremely rare until the 1970s. (In other words), older generations of Americans living today grew up with virtually no exposure to the sport. In recent decades, more and more youth sports organizations have turned to soccer as either a supplement to or a replacement for American football in their programs. This (shift is due) primarily for economic reasons, as cash-strapped programs find it more difficult to justify the high costs of American football, due to the large amount of expensive equipment required, while at the same time the insurance risks associated with American football are far greater. For instance, Bubba Hunt, the general manager of the Columbus Youth Soccer Club (CYSC), thinks that this generation of soccer players is the one to do it, too (What does he mean?). In 1996, six years into Hunt’s youth soccer career, he noticed an increase in the number of kids playing in clubs. Hunt attributes this (increase) to the inclusion of soccer units in elementary school physical education programs. The U.S. Youth Soccer League, the largest youth sports organization in the United States, has noted a dramatic rise since it was established over 30 years ago: from 100,000 registered players in 1974 to 3.2 million registered players today. Despite the growth of men’s women’s professional soccer in the United States in the last few decades, by far the largest category of soccer in the United States, at least in terms of participation, is boys and girls youth soccer. Therefore, the rising of youth soccer clubs contributes to increase the soccer popularity.

American soccer is now gaining popularity all over the country due to the arrival of superstars in the American League, the trail of success of the United States men’s and women’s national teams, and more youth sports organizations adopting soccer into their programs. However, soccer in America still faces challenges in the US(,) particularly (when)they compete in a crowded sports marketplace which includes the major US professional sports such Baseball, American Football, Basketball and Ice Hockey. Only with massive investment in the youth sport, soccer will move closer to becoming a ‘soccer nation’.

Content: 5 / 5
Structure: 5 / 5
Vocabulary: 5 / 5
Grammar: 5 / 5
Mechanics: 5 / 5

Total: 25 / 25

I will not use this paper as part of your portofolio because you still have made quite a few mistakes even after my corrections. You will not score a high grade on this paper. I will take another paper into consideration.

Rick

Here is your grade.

Content: 5 / 5
Structure: 5 / 5
Vocabulary: 4 / 5
Grammar: 3 / 5
Mechanics: 4 / 5

Total: 21 / 25

Research has been proving that having pets brings healthy benefits, specially for those suffering from stress related illness(es) or depression. Dogs are the most recommended, because they demand more attention and thus let you focus on them rather than focusing inward on yourself all the time. Contrary to cats, dogs need to exercise, so it propels people out the door. These walks also force pet owners to socialize instead of sitting around feeling sorry for themselves, which can help improve their mood. It gives people a routine, a thing to do. The owner cannot lie in bed all day, he/she has to get up and take care of the dog. On the other hand, cats are more independent and their behavior is totally different. A cat doesn’t celebrate when the owner gets home at the end of the day or answer a call (to play); (instead,) they prefer to take a lazy nap. Also, the loyalty of dogs is unpaired: they will bark to wake you up if the house is on fire or if he finds anything suspicious going on like thieves or if the owner is injured, while cats will just quietly sneak out the back door. Thus, considering the concept of companion(ship), a dog (ranks) much (higher) than a cat.

Both dogs and cats, in the past, got close to men due to the easiness to get food and (domestication took place) at this time. However, the origin of both had a great impact on the interaction with the human being and, consequently, the(ir) trainability. While dogs(‘) ancestors used to live in group(s), cats ancestors used to live alone, in caves. L(i)ving (in) pack of hounds, dogs developed a sense of hierarchy and affection, where they need(ed) to obey the alpha dog in the group in order to receive protection and food. This is the reason why dogs are easier to train: they are more obedient and recognize the position of a leader. When a puppy is raised by a human, the alpha position is assumed by the human and the dog will obey instinctively because they are attached, feel protected and are properly fed. Cats, (which) have a histor(y) of l(i)ving and hunting alone didn’t develop this feeling of attachment and loyalty, typical of animals which live in groups. (Thus), the obedience is higher in the dogs making any training easier.

The most important aspect (of) the differences (between) cats and dogs is the(ir) usefulness. Dogs are useful in many tasks: they are used by the police to look for drugs and missing people(;) they are trained to assist (the) blind, deaf and disabled people(;) they work as shepherd(s) in farms(;) they can also be a guardian dog. The reason (for) cats being, in general, the same size and structure, differing just (in) hair, is a proof of its low usefulness (WHY IS THAT?). Dogs (have been) proven to be useful in some tasks that many breeds were created, trying to improve some characteristics. As (an) example, the Bloodhound was created for hunting and later experts found out it would be great for rescuing tasks, because it has a keen scent; Labrador and Golden Retrievers are the most appropriate (breed) as a guide dog(s), because (of their) easy temperament, proper size (large enough to comfortably guid(e) and small enough to fit under a table restaurant) and versatility. Hence, its notorious that a dog is much more useful than a cat and really helps who(ever) takes care of it.

Therefore, dogs integration with human beings is complete: they understand their role and give affection back. Cats are more selfish and have not developed themselves to fully interact with men. Maybe cats can be better as bibelot but not as (a) companion.

Content: 5 / 5
Structure: 4.5 / 5
Vocabulary: 5 / 5
Grammar: 4.5 / 5
Mechanics: 4.5 / 5

Final Grade: 23.5 / 25

A woman usually takes longer to reach an orgasm, but when she does, it last longer then in a man. Most man ha(ve) (an) orgasm in every sexual relation he has. That doesn’t happen to the majority of women, but women can have multiple orgasms while men can’t and men takes longer then women after a sexual relation to be able to (engage in another sexual intercourse). It is not an easy achievement, but it is possible to, both man and woman to have a healthy sexual relationship, but it might involve a great deal of intimacy, practice and tranquility between the couple.

(This last paragraph is out of place.)

For women, customarily is more difficult to have an orgasm than for men because of a series of facts: men normally take less time to reach an orgasm, and when they do, some men “call it a night”, after they “are done”, (and) they don’t make an effort to make their partner reach an orgasm; women need more psychological and physical stimulus then men to reach an orgasm, specially a vaginal orgasm, which is more difficult, because they take longer to be stimulated enough to be able to have pleasure during the penetration; a large number of women don’t know their body good enough to know what they like, and when they do know, some are ashamed to “guide” their partner during a sexual relation; a lot of couples don’t talk about their sex problems, decreasing their chances of solving them; and numerous other factors can be the cause of a women’s difficulty to have an orgasm. Men tend to have less difficulty to get an orgasm. Men’s most common sexual problem is the opposite: premature ejaculation. 30% of men suffer from premature ejaculation. But, having a premature ejaculation or not, more than 95% of men say that they have orgasm every time they have a sexual relation. It can be harder for women to reach an orgasm, but when they do, theirs last longer then a man’s orgasm.

Another difference between men and women is that it is possible for women to have multiple orgasms, that is, to have one orgasm after another in a very short period of time. Not many women can have multiple orgasms because it requires her being very comfortable and having a deep intimacy with her partner, among other things. But that is an advantage that only women have. Men are not physiologically able to have multiple orgasms because they need some time after an ejaculation to be able to ejaculate again. They are not able to ejaculate one time after another in a matter of seconds. The fact that men cannot ejaculate continuously in a short period of time explains why it takes a few minutes for a man to be able to have another erection, therefore, another sexual relation. Women, on the other hand, after having sex, can be physiologically prepared to have another sexual relation in seconds.

Orgasms have different meaning(s) for men and for women. The reason for that fact remains a question unanswered, because it involves cultural, anthropological, psychological and physical issues. 75% of men can reach an orgasm very fast, in the first minutes of a sexual relation. For women it isn’t so easy, only 25% of women reach an orgasm during a sexual relation, but women’s orgasm lasts from twenty seconds to two minutes, while it lasts only a few seconds for men. Aside (from) the difference between a man and a woman’s orgasm, there is a universal consensus that the intense pleasure of an orgasm is genuinely related to self-control and self-esteem. Therefore, to the intense pleasure of an orgasm be possible, couples need to invest more in sexual “games”, in the romantic and sexual environment than in the worry of reaching an orgasm. Orgasm should be a consequence of a pleasurable sexual relation, not is objective.

Cynthia,

Although your paper offers great information about the differences between men and women orgasms, this information is thrown in without following the American Rhetorical style, and it feels a bit disorganized as far as the presentation of these ideas go. If you were to rewrite this piece, I would try to restructure it according to the structure we discussed in class.

Here is your grade:

Content: 5 / 5
Organization: 1 / 5
Vocabulary: 5 / 5
Grammar: 5 / 5
Mechanics: 5 / 5

Total: 21 / 25

Should the Brazilian government have postponed classes because of the Swine Flu? No. In the beginning of the second semester, the government of São Paulo decided to postpone the beginning of classes to contain the spread of the disease. This initiative doesn’t work because, first, it doesn’t control the spread of the disease because while children weren’t at school, they could have been contaminated anywhere else. Second, postponing classes at school interferes in children’s and teacher’s vacations, because if the classes start later, they will also have to finish later. Third, postponing classes will open a precedence for any kind of diseases in the future to cause schools to shut down.

The first problem of postponing classes is that such measure does not control the spread of the disease. While children weren’t at school, they were at shopping malls, or at the movies or maintaining contact with lots of people, which would be equivalent of them being at school with other children. Maria Clara Pinna, a 13-year-old girl, wasn’t at school on the first week of August because of the postponing of classes, but was infected by H1N1. Probably, Maria Clara was infect(ed) while she was at the cinema with her best friend, Pietra Moura, who studies with her at the same school and were diagnosed with the Swine Flu three days before Maria Clara had be(en) diagnosed contaminated. Therefore, postponing classes wasn’t a great solution to control the spread of the disease.

The second problem of postponing classes is the interference in children’s and teacher`s vacations because classes began later, hence, they will finish later too. The academic calendar will be greatly affected by this delay in the start of classes, because all the classes were programmed before the beginning of the year. Consequently, the classes that had been previously agreed on will have to be given at the end of the courses, which will disturb summer vacations in Brazil. For instance, the Garmendia family comes from Venezuela and their family will be waiting for them in Caracas on December 20th for the summer time. Their tickets have already been bought so they won’t be able to return it without paying $500 per person to the airline company. This problem just takes place because they can’t go to Caracas on December 20th just because Pedro, their 13-year-old son who studies at Colégio Bandeirantes, has tests until December 22nd. His parents have already talked to the high school principal, Mauro Sales de Aguiar, to allow Pedro to take his final tests before the other students. Nevertheless, the director couldn’t do anything because the class schedule was not subject to change and children have to attend all the classes before taking their tests. Moreover, opening up an exception to Pedro would force the school to accept other exceptions, making it impossible for the school to schedule several tests on different dates. Therefore, having postponed classes because of the Swine Flu interferes with summer vacations.

The last problem in postponing classes to contain the virus in children relates to the fact that this act may open up a precedence to any kind of diseases being able to cause a school to shut down because a contagious virus or bacterium appears. The Flu is a type of disease that can have so many different forms because of mutation. Besides, if the government decides to control the spread by postponing classes every time that a different virus show up, children won’t have classes anymore. For example, the Aviary Flu didn’t cause this panic and it was much more dangerous than the H1N1 Flu. Lots of people around the world have died because of this disease. In this particular case, the government didn’t have the same attitude, didn’t spread the panic and didn’t stop classes. Why has the government decided to close down schools in this case? Just to say that they are doing something to protect our children. However, this attitude would just be necessary if the Swine Flu flew, and according to studies, it can’t fly. Therefore, stopping classes because of the Swine Flu opens a precedence to have the same attitude in any similar case.

All in all, the government should revise this decision of postponing classes since this solution is a bitter pill to swallow, just because the virus couldn`t just be spread at school, but can be spread in every place that there is a person contaminated by the H1N1 virus. To really contain the spread of the H1N1 virus, the government should provide information and explanation about the disease and its treatment. Moreover, the attitude of postpon(ing) the start of classes, only generates more panic in society, (b)eing that, there should be no panic, based on the existence of an appropriate treatment to the (S)wine (F)lu. Thus,(the) Brazilian government shouldn’t have postponed classes because of the Swine Flu.

Content: 5 / 5
Structure: 5 / 5
Vocabulary: 5 / 5
Grammar: 4 / 5
Mechanics: 4 / 5

Total: 23 / 25

The alternative of using sovereign funds as Government of Singapore Invesment Coporation(GIC) and Temasek Holding are partially the expression of a desire to bolster Singapore’s standing as an international financial center. First of all, a sovereign fund is a state-owned investment, a fund composed of financial assets such as stocks, bonds, property, precious metals or other financial instruments, which is invested globally, to create savings accounts to the government. The main reason why Singapore decided to implement the sovereign wealth funds (SWF) as an alternative to boost their economy are their late independence, their lack of space given the small size of their territory, and the wealth of Singapore’s government to achieve certain public policy and macroeconomic goals.

The first reason why Singapore decided to implement the sovereign Wealth funds (SWF) as an alternative to boost their economy relates to the late independence of the country in 1965, which until 1959, was a colony of England, and attained its independence and joined the Commonwealth only later on. In 1963, Singapore joined the Federation of Malaysia, which separated two years later to become an independent state in 9 August 1965. Because of the cultural difference between Malayans and Chinos and Singapore’s abrupt independent, their government didn’t know how to develop and control their economy. That moment brought exchange money to the country by the structure of sovereign wealth funds (SWF), (and it) was a first-class strategy to save money to build up an education, health and habitation program to their citizens. For instance, in 1974, Temasek Holdings Incorporated committed almost $1 billion to fund research institutions, scholarships and other public good beneficiaries, of which S$500 million was endowed to the Temasek Trust in May 2007. More recently, they gifted another S$100 billion to the Temasek Trust, this time to support Temasek Cares for community programmers in Singapore. Therefore, after Singapore’s independence, as an alternative to boost their economy, after their independence, they created two sovereign wealth funds (SWF).

The second reason why Singapore decided to implement the sovereign wealth funds (SWF) as an alternative to boost their economy relates to the lack of space given the small size of the territory of Singapore. The lack of space (make it impossible for) Singapore to develop primary activities, such as cattle raising and agriculture. And, even (though) they have natural resources, they are classified as a non exporting countr(y), wh(ich) (made it hard) (for) the(m) to have a positive trade balance. (Therefore), the alternative was using a sovereing fund to make their trade balance positive,transfering assets from foreign exchange reserve, made by the sovereign funds as temaseki holding. Therefore, the sovereing funds ensures to their future generations that they can continue to live prosperously using the earnings of their forefathers. Laurence Lien, director of investment for the Ministry of Finance, which owns Singapore’s funds, supports the idea that mainly in the case of Singapore which has no other alternatives to develop its economy and ensure future generations, the initiative for SWFs is to be paramount to ensure the sustainability of the country as well as a positive trade balance. Therefore, the small size of the territory of Singapore make the sovereign funds as an alternative to boost their economy.

The third reason why Singapore decided to implement the Sovereign Wealth Funds (SWF) as an alternative to boost their economy relates to the wealth of Singapore’s government to achieve certain public policy and macroeconomic goals. The first idea of governance model to Singapore as an independent country was to give to their citizens an excellent education and habitation system. They believe that with a good education and habitation, everything can be built. And particularity (in) Singapore, the wealthy Singapore government brings to the government system and government enterprises the best professionals in the market. However, to run those public and macroeconomic goals a(nd) give an excelent education system an(d) habitation, they needed money, and to have money without the support of a good and reliable financial system is impossible. (Thus), through the creation of the Sovereign Wealth Funds (SWF), managed by the finance minister of Singapore, they will be able to achieve these goals. For example, the Singapore’s SWFs investments are spread around the world, and they just invest in themes that involves transforming economies, growing middle class, deepening comparative advantages(.) (T)hese t(y)pe(s) of investments reflect that Singapore’s sovereign funds just invest in reliable funds, and that their will is more than just (earn) money, wh(ich) justif(ies) their we(a)lth(y) government. Thus, to have money to achieve certain public policy and macroeconomic goals, the creation of SWF has been a strong strategy of the government.

In other words, Singapore being a young independent country, the lack of space given the small size of the territory and the wealth of Singapore’s government to achieve public policy and macroeconomic goals are the main reasons to implement sovereign funds as an important financial model to acquire money. Of course, after that, they need to develop by themselves. But, they began with mastery, with the state controlling and owning firms that comprise at least 80% of the GDP through government entities such as the sovereign fund as Temasek. Today, Singapore has an open business environment, relatively corruption-free and transparent, stable prices, and one of the highest per capita Gross domestic products (GDP) in the world.

Content: 5 / 5
Structure: 5 / 5
Vocabulary: 5 / 5
Grammar: 4 / 5
Mechanics: 4 / 5

Total: 23 / 25

While women have the ability to do so many things at the same time, men don’t(.) (A)nd this skill reflects at work. In lots of researches (which ones?) it’s a consensus that men can think up three things at the same time, but just can do one thing at a time, while women can do sixteen things at the same time (Who says that?). Some scientists (which ones?) say that this skill comes from women(’s) necessity of homemaking, managing their career, and taking care of their children at the same time, while the men(’s) role consists in how they will earn money and spend it. (T)his is a sex difference (which) may be unchangeable, just because since women are trained to have this skill. For instance, as child(,) a woman has (to) balance different aspects of her life(.) (S)he also helps her mother at home, helps the teacher at school, has hobbies, (does) her homework, and practices (the) piano and dance(s) (But these activities are not done simulteneously…) . Moreover, this difference is frequently observable at work, while a woman can talk (on the) telephone, send an e-mail, ha(ve) lunch, manage her house and children, and talk with her boss. (A) man, (on the other hand,) just can send e-mail (one) at that time, for example. Thus, men don’t have the multi-ability of women, wh(ich) can be clearly (seen) at work.

Another comparative point between men and women at work is the(ir) life objectives. While women ha(ve) been prepared all their lives to be mothers, men just were prepared to (earn) money. (M)ost of (the) time(,) women quit their job(s) to take care of their babies, or (the get) in conflict (between) having babies or contin(uing) their career. Because of these (these what?), in most companies(,) only a minority of women are vying for the CEO position compared to men who make up the majority of senior executives, including CEO(s). (For) this reason, sometimes men don’t worry (about facing) more challenges, or travel(ing) around the world for the company that they work, or (even) accept(ing) a promotion, while a women think(s) more (about) her life and her family li(fe), and sometimes den(ies) this type of motion (motion? What are you talking about?). However, this (current) generation thinks different(ly) and they are thinking (about not) hav(ing) children, or just hav(ing) one child, or no (child at all). (Marilia, this last argument goes against what you are trying to get across.) (In other words), women are increasingly thinking (about) their career(s) and thinking less (about building) a family with children. Thus, women and men have different life objectives, which can impact on their work.

Another difference between women and men is the satisfaction at work. Women are more flexible and can adapt faster (adapt to what?), wh(ich) makes the(m) more satisfied than men at work. Men create such high expectations about their careers that (they) end up frustrated when they don’t reach the expected goals. Furthermore, women working in (the)labor market sectors that are predominantly male or have a balanced proportion of male and female workers jobs, have high job satisfaction, while men, who work in predominantly female or gender-proportionate jobs, have significantly lower job satisfaction (Who says that?). The reason why women are more satisfied working with more men or with the same proportional of men and women relates to their perceptions of fewer income problems, flexibility of hours, and use of job skills (what are you referring to?), and maternity benefits. Thus, women and men have different standard(s) of satisfaction at work.

Thus, there are so many differences between women and men at work. However, men and women have to learn how (to) work together and learn to be competitive with each other. Moreover, there (are) too (many) women get(ting) into the labor market and companies have to figure out with women multi-ability (What are you talking about?), differences in life objectives, and also, satisfaction at work to improve the company(’s work environment).

Marilia,

Here are your grades.

Content: 4 / 5
Structure: 4 / 5
Vocabulary: 3 / 5
Grammar: 2.5 / 5
Mechanics: 3.5 / 5

Total: 17 / 25