Here I Am by Eliana

There I stood still, in the delivery room, after six years trying to get pregnant, after having faced two abortions in between, just waiting for  my son to be born. I had chosen the name Samuel since the doctor had disclosed to me the gender of my baby. Samuel joinded this world on a Friday, September 13,1996, the happiest day of my life.

 At that time, it had never occurred me that having a baby would change my life so much as it did. At first I only thought that my days would be a bed of roses, but life had proved wrong one more time. After Samuel was born I fell in depression, throwing me into a world of a huge sadness and loneliness, I used to woke up late at night to feed him, feeling tired and starting to cry. During the day I also had the feeling that taking care of my new born baby would turn into be an impossible task for me to carry on, even thinking that I had made the wrong decision to have a baby, because I felt so unhappy about being a mom. Eventhough I simply was deeply in love with my son I couldn’t enjoy that precious moment of my life because my husband couldn’t undertand that I was fragile, and besides he became jealous about the time I spend with my baby. It turned out into a huge problem because he didn’t help me when more I needed, I felt abandoned and frustraded. 

Fortunately I had my mother’s help, as a support system, showing me how I had to manage my life with her own experience about being a mom, for about two weeks she slept over my house, taking care of me, giving some hints of nursering and helping when I didin1t know what to do when the baby cried. Her help and love were very important for me at that time of turbulence.

 For a long time there was no more me, Samuel took the centre of our lives and sometimes I felt that I would never have time for me anymore, but the time went by as my depression and I could finally felt happy again, enjoying the fact that being a mom was a Good bleessing. Nothing can be compared to this experience, If I had to do it all again, I would.

Not Passing The College Entrance Examination by Camilla

Many times in these last years of my life, I couldn’t help but think of the day when my face would be all smeared, all my clothes soiled and my face with a huge smile of happiness stamped in my mouth and eyes because of my acceptance at a university, probably a common dream among most teenagers my age.

As I studied at Vértice, a very strict school where everyone is always compared to the best students, every class, work or test always focused on the acceptance at a prominent college. Because of the pressure of school, I have also understood my future success based on the positive results of USP college entrance examination test: Fuvest.

I have always had nurtured this special interest for the University of São Paulo, first, because of the influence of my school, which claims USP the best university, and and one we should focus since we became a freshman in high school. Second, the Architecture College at USP gives a different focus than the one from Mackenzie, the other respectable college in São Paulo, because its course embraces more branches of architecture, while Mackenzie’s zeroes in more on construction projects. Third, I do care for the name; after all, USP is hailed as the most well-known university of our country, and having certificate from it would make a big difference in the market. Studying there would bring me several benefits such as the fact that I would pay no monthly fees or tuition since it is a public university, and I would also remain close to my boyfriend, who studies Chemistry there, so we could see each other anytime we want to.

Unfortunately, I have been accepted in all the colleges that I had applied for, with the exception of USP. After crying a lot because of the feeling of a whole year thrown in the trash can, I had to decide to do this year: to go to another college like Mackenzie, or take a preparatory course in order to apply at USP again. Most of my friends who haven’t been accepted at USP decided to go to another university even if the course did not reflect exactly what they wanted, just because of the feeling of a university life that includes freedom and lots of parties.

Despite the fact that Mackenzie is an awesome and remarkable university, I decided not to seize the opportunity of starting the course there. I have chosen the responsibility of studying to get into USP, facing all the stress just to study at the best university. Maybe the thoughts in my head had never blurred me so much before. For the first time, I had to make an important decision only by myself.

The pressure overwhelmed me due to the enormous importance that this choice would make in my life. First, I thought that taking a preparatory course would be shameful and that people would laugh at me. Also, Vértice demands quite a lot on its students, unloading the obligation to doing well at FUVEST on me. Then, I realized that I should not care about other people’s view on my life. Therefore, my idea evolved around starting Mackenzie, but taking a leave at the course to apply myself to USP throughout the second semester, but maybe only six months of preparation would not suffice. I even had the absurd thought of doing college and the preparatory course at the same time, but at the end, I had to just choose one and focus on it.

The bottom line is that I am only taking the preparatory course and enjoying it very much. The classes are more relaxing and there is freedom and independence, which I have never had before. This decision has stiffened my personality. I have become more mature and now I have more time to focus on what I really want. I have learned that everyone have to try to reach his target no matter what he will have to do to achieve it, not worrying about other people may think about it. As a 17-year-old girl, the hurry to be in college should not turn a girl’s number one priority in life because the possibility of making this dream come true exists in the near future. So now, I have the peace of mind to understand what I really want to do, to become more mature and to enhance the flaws that didn’t let me get into USP the first time around.