Volatile relationships

Is the famous priest’s statement “until death do us part” still valid nowadays? Not as it was in the old days.  In the past, society, influenced by religious rules, which were powerful at that time, used to give to marriage a sacred value considering divorce shameful and a subject to discrimination. In fact, until the 70’s, a divorced woman was treated as she had a contagious disease, prohibited to have a normal life. However, the number of divorces has been increasing significantly over the past ten years. According to a research published in the newspaper Folha de São Paulo on September 21st, the divorce rate increased by 20% in comparison to the figures of ten years ago.  Four in ten couples are separated, mostly couples who have been married for a short time, for instance, two or three years after they got married, they are getting divorced. The main reasons why people decide to break up their marital relationship are the lack of regular sexual activity, the discrepancy in personalities and the economic independence of women.

The first reason why marriage ends in divorce is the low frequency of sexual relation. To a lot of couples, rather than sex being a loving act, it turns into an angry argument that pulls them apart. As a matter of fact, when one partner doesn’t want to have sex as often as the other, this unbalanced interest in sex leads to frustration. A recent study by the Creighton University Center for Marriage and Family shows that 80% of the married couples who got divorced engaged in sex less than 118 times a year which is considered by the study a low frequency rate. Sex therapists, according to this study, state that when couples are not able to enjoy moments of intimacy or simply do not want to have sex in a healthy frequency the end of the relationship is near as sex is one of the three supports of the marital union together with finances and mutual respect. If one is not working, the other two are affected and as a result there is the deterioration of the marriage. Therefore, the lack of regular sexual activity makes couples divorce.  

The second reason why husband and wife separate is the interaction between people with different natures. Sharing a space with another person means that all that is done will bear on someone else. The main concern is how to deal with the consequences of the acts.  Living in harmony is the target of a married couple which demands a real commitment to the relationship. According to the psycologist Paula Carvalho in her article “Divorce: Main Causes & Effects” published in Men’s Health magazine on September 30th,  divorce is a consequence of a failure in the process of living together. She says that “the lack of  understanding and the lack of patience are examples of this failure”. Paula Carvalho ends her article stating that ”someone wise once said that it takes two wholes to make a marriage, not two halves”. Thus, couples who have personality differences or irreconcilable differences meaning different expectations about  life are condemned to separation.

The third reason why couples divorce is the women’s self-reliance. Women, in the present times, with access to better and higher education and consequently higher salaries, are less willing to put up with traditional roles and expectations. “Our grandmothers actually tolerated all kinds of temper tantrums because they could not find any other way to survive” says Diane Parker, sociologist. However, women have now all the independence and all the liberties to choose the man they want to get married and also to brake up the relationship whenever they want to. A survey conducted by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers shows that 85% of women consider to divorce if they are not happy in the marriage. Since survival is not the main concern anymore, women do not see any other obstacle to their search for happiness, and even splitting up is preferable to staying together for the children or to keep up social appearances. As a result, women empowerment favours the couples’ separation.

People give up their marriages mostly because of  problems with sexual life, irreconcilable differences and the women’s financial situation enhancement. There are many different and complex causes and reasons for divorce, though, such as poor communication, financial problems and infidelity, each of them specific to that particular couple’s marital relationship, their individual experiences and personal problems. On the other hand, divorces often happen because people rarely discuss their expectations in detail prior to marriage, are less willing to work on their marriages afterwards, and would like quick solutions rather than having to resolve issues. Therefore, people could have been divorcing for trivial reasons.

Under a new perspective – Midterm

A few years ago, my fiancé and I decided to go to Rio Grande do Norte during our vacation. We had chosen the city of Natal because there is an interesting variety of natural places such as beaches, lakes and dunes, in addition to the historical buildings, for instance, churches and museums.

The flight took almost three hours from the city of  S. Paulo to Natal. We arrived there early in the morning which gave us only two hours to recover from the journey and to have the breakfast.

We had a bad  impression of  the hotel as its structure hadn’t met our expectation. In fact, by looking at the photos of the hotel’s  facilities on its web site, they seemed to be classier than they really are. However, we decided not to give importance to this frustation.

For the rest of the trip, my fiancé and I decided to know Natal by ourselves because we avoided to get  stuck to the schedules of the travel agency to make our own.  For this reason, we could stay longer in the places we really enjoyed such as Praia de Pipa.  In order to find the best way to go to the tourist attractions, we went to the local tourism centre and got information about the bus lines and interesting places to visit. From that moment on, our trip had became really interesting, amazing and unforgettable due to the fact that we had contact with the local population not as a tourist, but making part of their routine. For instance, we had to take the regular bus line to move around the city, which gave us the opportunity to be with the people that were going to or coming back from work. Moreover, we could experience how helpful the local people were when we got almost lost. In addition, we had been at some handicraft communities and watched the people working in their pieces. It is wonderful to see the artist making his handicraft, feeling as a witness of the moment of its birth.

Apart from the show that nature provides in Natal, with white sand and warm transparent sea water, rolling dunes and enormous lakes, what called my attention the most was definitely the local people. Their lovely accent and their education made me rethink about my opinion regarding Brazil northeast people. We normally establish some preconception regarding many elements in life such as peoples, places and cultures and when we have the opportunity to think about the prejudice, it makes us mature so that we change our beliefs.

Roberta – Writing #2

Is cell phone a high technology device developed to simplify our lives? Not always. The free use of cell phone by teenagers can cause addiction due to its constant unnecessary use. Teenagers are the category that consumes more cell phone according to Veja August 30th report. This research shows that almost all the teenagers have a mobile phone because their lifestyles push them to have one. Moreover, it shows that for the teenagers, cell phone is their best electronic friend as they feel isolated from their friends if they do not have one. Considering that they can even talk to friends about gossip they do not want their parents to hear, teenagers can become fanatical about being always available. Besides, the addiction caused by the free use of cell phone by teenagers leads to a problem in their social relationship with friends, family and with themselves.

The addiction caused by the free use of cell phone by teenagers leads to a problem in their social relationship with friends. Paula Carvalho, 16 years old, stays in her bedroom almost all the time after school talking to her friends through messages from her cell phone. She never meets them. Her mother says she is really concerned about her daughter’s health, as her weight has increased about 17 pounds in 3 months. In addition, her mother complains about Paula getting more introspective. The isolation causes a change in the behavior and in this case also in the appearance, which can affect the relationship with friends due to the cell phone use.

The addiction caused by the free use of cell phone by teenagers leads to a problem in their social relationship with family. Spending so much time looking at the cell phone’s screen, the social contact starts to loose importance. There is no need for teenagers to share what they have been experienced during their daily lives with their parents or siblings. The virtual communication is easier than being face to face with their listener’s reactions. Raphael Andrade, 14 years old, has been taking medicine because he is suffering from depression caused by his being away from his family due to the addiction to his cell phone. Right before the treatment, he had been using his cell phone almost all the time to chat with friends, which prevented him from relating to his family. The addiction caused by the free use of cell phone by teenagers leads to a problem in their social relationship with family.

The addiction caused by the free use of cell phone by teenagers leads to a problem in their social relationship with themselves. Since the virtual contact by cell phone is more frequent than real relationships, teenagers do not give themselves the opportunity to exchange all that are related to a face to face conversation, for instance, expressing their own emotion. Paulo de Souza, 17 years old, used to chat through his cell phone with friends, avoiding meet them because he was very shy. As a result, he started to have difficulty in showing his emotion when talking to someone eye to eye. Moreover, it was getting hard for him to show his feelings to himself. Hence, the addiction caused by the free use of cell phone by teenagers leads to a problem in their social relationship with themselves.

A star is born – Roberta – Writing 1

One day, in 1996, my colleagues at work had been told about a karaokê bar near our office so we decided to go there, right after work, to have some good time together. We were in a group of 12 people. The day was sunny and hot so that I could predict it would be an opportunity for nice talking and beers.

 

When I arrived there, I got very excited as it was my first time in a karaokê and the first time I would sing to a real public. I say “real” because before this very night I used to sing only at home to myself and sometimes to my dogs. The songs I´ve chosen to perform of course were songs that I’ve already sang several times, mainly Madonna’s songs. After my first presentation, among enthusiastic applauses, people started to ask me if I was a professional singer, If I had a band, if I could sing together with one and another. For me was an unexpected surprise, one of the best in my life. I’ve felt as a real popstar.  From this moment on, I had been on the stage of this karaokê bar as much as possible, singing all songs I could sing, performing duets, singing together with 4 or 5 colleagues, hoping that the time could stop and this night could last forever.

 

In the following months, I started to participate in a group at Coralusp and later on I was singing in my own band. At first we performed an ecletic repertoire, then we decided to focus in only one style of music in order to spread our market. Hence, we became an italian music group.

 

Due to this new repertoire, we had been invited by a lot of entities such as catholic churches or other religious associations to perform pro bonus in parties which income would be reverted to social welfare works. It was in these presentations I have discovered the real mean of music to me, singing to help people, doing what I like most for free.