Drink, drive and death.
September 21, 2008Last year, more than 36.000 people lost their lives in car traffic-related accidents in Brazil. The number by itself shocks, but the reason why those people died is even worse. Studies around the globe shows that even at small doses, alcohol may affect drivers’ efficiency by decreasing their perception and increasing considerably the risk of lethal accidents. For this reason, the Brazilian Government has recently published the Federal Law no. 11705/08, which does not allow drinking and driving and establishes stronger penalties, leading to cases of imprisonment. Overall, the society should be in favor of this harsh, but necessary law because it can decrease the number of car accidents, it can save lives and it can reduce the spending of public money related to car accidents.
First, this law can reduce the number of car accidents, since it prohibits drinking and driving, the most relevant cause of car accidents. Once the law establishes a range of severe penalties, including imprisonment, for whoever is driving under alcohol effects, it forces drivers avoid drinking before driving, which in turn prevents many car accidents. For example, after this law has come into force, the consumption of alcohol has been reduced significantly and as a result the number of car accidents decreased around 57%. In other words, when the law coerces drivers not to drink, it creates a safely drive environment, which decreases the risks of car accidents.
Second, this law can save lives by not allowing drunk drivers. Frightened by the civil and criminal penalties for drunk driving, conductors will respect the message it brings: drinking and driving is considered extremely unsafe. When drives get conscious of that, many lives will be saved. It has been proven that 44% percent of persons who died presented some percentage of alcohol in their blood. Such results give the idea that in some way alcohol is closed linked to accidents. For this reason, when forcing people to consider not drinking and driving, the number of deaths will decrease. To have an idea, the number of deaths related to car accidents decreased from 277 cases a day, last year, to 156 victims per day, this year. The drop off drunk drivers is directly related to the reduction of deaths in car accidents.
Third, this law can prevent the Government of spending public money on medical services. According to the Brazilian Medical Association, the State expends 25 billion Reais to help out car-crash victims. After the law, the State could save up to 11 million Reais in its budget over the past three months. From the economic standpoint, the law is excellent because the Government can save up the money from the taxpayers wasted in medical service.
The government worked in the right path when they value life as being more important and relevant in comparison to a small group of people who insists on drinking beverages before driving, arguing that their acts are not dangerous. The right to drink remains, but not when it is related to driving because the results are much clear: more than 36.000 people died last year from car accidents. Understanding that the Federal Law n. 11705/08 is a question of saving lives and public money will make easier for anybody to give up drinking and driving.
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Drink, Drive and Die
Last year, more than 36.000 people lost their lives in car traffic-related accidents in Brazil. This number represents three times the American estimates, considering that they have six times more cars on their roads. Indeed, the number itself shocks, but the reasons why those people die are even worse. Studies around the globe shows that alcohol, even at small levels, affects drivers efficiency by decreasing perception, increasing considerably the risks of accidents and, hence, lethal victims. For this reason, the Brazilian Federal Government has recently published the Federal Law n. 11705/08, which does not allow drinking and driving, establishing stronger penalties, leading to cases of imprisonment. Society should be in favor of this harsh, but necessary law because it can reduce the number of car accidents, it can save lives, and it can reduce the spending of public money wasted in medical services.
(Where is your topic sentence? And this paragraph should be about the reduction of car accidents as mentioned in your thesis.) This new law does not allow drinking and driving. The penalties for whoever is driving under the effects of alcohol will vary according to the level of alcohol in the blood. Within the rate of above 0,2 grams per liter of blood, but less than 0,6 grams per liter, the driver can suffer penalties ranging from a R$955 fine and the loss of his driver license for one year. If the driver presents more than 0,6 grams per liter, besides the penalties already mentioned, the driver can be charged of a crime, which predicts a penalty up to three years in jail.
In contrast to other countries, the index of 0,2 grams per liter can be considered as a strict level, giving the understanding that this law does not tolerate any bead of alcohol, which is completely true. The fact is that this law does not prohibit someone to drink, only in case the person wants to drink and, right afterwards, drive (Hummm, this sentence is a bit confusing.) Drinking a lot and getting drunk is entirely allowed, given that he or she does it at home. However, the moment that someone decides to drink and drive, the drunk driver is putting his life and the lives of others at risk, corroborating to the consistency and relevance of this new drinking and driving law.
Moreover, the law is coherent taking in mind the economic benefits it brings to population (in which sense?) According to the Brazilian Medical Association, the state expends 25 billion Reais to help out victims of car accidents. On private perspective (What do you mean?), insurance companies spend almost 3 billions Reais to cover collision indemnifications. In this context, after three months in effect, the law has reduced, in 57% percent, the victims involved in car crashes. Also, the number of medical services for car accident has been reduced substantially, saving up to 11 millions Reais during this period in the state’s budget. For instance, last year, the number of deaths got around 277 cases a day; meanwhile, this year, the number decreased to 156 victims per day. Afore the life saved, families and thousands of people preserved, for each person protected, the state saves R$ 3,000, the range of costs for a serious injured person (I am a bit lost here). Consequently, from an economic perspective, the law is beneficial to everybody.
From another standpoint, this law remains positive and advantageous for the population (which one? Your topic sentence must include the central idea of your paragraph.) Indirectly, this law might reduce the costs for private car insurance. When number of car accidents decrease, the price paid to protect your own car might decline 10%. Time wasted in traffic jams might be reduced as well, considering that groups of friends will start to use the same car to go out to parties, electing one of them not to drink and drive safely. If this commuting does not take place, taxis can be used and shared with friends to reduce its costs, getting many cars out of the streets.
The most important indirect effect caused by this law still relates to saving lives. It’s been proven that 44% percent of persons who died present some percentage of alcohol in their blood. Such results give the idea that in some way alcohol is closed linked to accidents in general, crimes, discussions, arguments, fights and murders. For this reason, when forcing people to consider not drinking and driving, the consumption of alcohol has been reduced significantly and so have the number of crimes committed in bars, restaurants and areas close to places where drinking is possible. (Here you would need statistics of specific bars to prove your point.)
Therefore, society must give support to the Federal Law n. 11705/08 even if some technical problems on its content may occur when applying its penalties or even when inspections take place. The government is in the right path when they value life as being more important and relevant in comparison to a small group of people who insists on drinking beverages before driving, arguing that their acts are not dangerous. The right to drink remains, but not when related to driving because the results are cleared in numbers: more than 36.000 people died last year. Understanding that the Federal Law n. 11705/08 is a question of saving lives and public money to be invested in other important areas than in the attendance (in the attendance?) of car accidents will make it easier for anybody to give up drinking under some circumstances and to be in favor of this new law.
Fabio,
I am not assigning the grade to your paper now because it needs several revisions. I believe that you having missed those two classes affected the quality of your work. You have a difficult time implementing the American Rhetorical model into your paper. This is what my suggestion is. By working closely with Bernardo, you will see that he can lead you to the more American structure of the paper. The two of you can work on the content, generating ideas together, and also work with vocabulary sophistication in certain parts of your paper, but I would like you to let him lead you in coming up with the STRUCTURE of the paper.
When you understand why he is asking you to write the paper a certain way, you will be able to understand what you are supposed to do with your own paper. Also, I would take a look at Bernardo’s and Renata’s second papers for you to see that structurally, you would need to revise your paper.
See you in class,
Rick
Fabio,
As I mentioned in class, I need to give this paper a temporary grade. Here it is.
Content: 2 / 5 (Although you offer great ideas, some of them are quite repetitive instead of going deeper into the issue.)
Structure: 2 / 5 (As I have already mentioned to you before, you are not following the American rhetorical strategy discussed in class.)
Vocabulary: 5 / 5
Grammar: 5 / 5
Mechanics: 5 / 5
Total: 19 / 25
Drink, Drive and Die
Last year, more than 36.000 people lost their lives in car traffic-related accidents in Brazil. The number by itself shocks, but the reason why those people died is even worse. Studies around the globe shows that even at small doses, alcohol may affect drivers’ efficiency by decreasing their perception and increasing considerably the risk of lethal accidents. For this reason, the Brazilian Government has recently published the Federal Law no. 11705/08, which does not allow drinking and driving and establishes stronger penalties, leading to cases of imprisonment. Overall, the society should be in favor of this harsh, but necessary law because it can decrease the number of car accidents, it can save lives and it can reduce the spending of public money related to car accidents.
First, this law can reduce the number of car accidents, since it prohibits drinking and driving, the most relevant cause of car accidents. Once the law establishes a range of severe penalties, including imprisonment, for whoever is driving under alcohol effects, it forces drivers avoid drinking before driving, which in turn prevents many car accidents. For example, after this law has come into force, the consumption of alcohol has been reduced significantly and as a result the number of car accidents decreased around 57%. In other words, when the law coerces drivers not to drink, it creates a safely drive environment, which decreases the risks of car accidents.
Second, this law can save lives by not allowing drunk drivers. Frightened by the civil and criminal penalties for drunk driving, conductors will respect the message it brings: drinking and driving is considered extremely unsafe. When drives get conscious of that, many lives will be saved. It has been proven that 44% percent of persons who died presented some percentage of alcohol in their blood. Such results give the idea that in some way alcohol is closed linked to accidents. For this reason, when forcing people to consider not drinking and driving, the number of deaths will decrease. To have an idea, the number of deaths related to car accidents decreased from 277 cases a day, last year, to 156 victims per day, this year. The drop off drunk drivers is directly related to the reduction of deaths in car accidents.
Third, this law can prevent the Government of spending public money on medical services. According to the Brazilian Medical Association, the State expends 25 billion Reais to help out car-crash victims. After the law, the State could save up to 11 million Reais in its budget over the past three months. From the economic standpoint, the law is excellent because the Government can save up the money from the taxpayers wasted in medical service.
The government worked in the right path when they value life as being more important and relevant in comparison to a small group of people who insists on drinking beverages before driving, arguing that their acts are not dangerous. The right to drink remains, but not when it is related to driving because the results are much clear: more than 36.000 people died last year from car accidents. Understanding that the Federal Law n. 11705/08 is a question of saving lives and public money will make easier for anybody to give up drinking and driving.
Drink, Drive and Die
Last year, more than 36.000 people lost their lives in car traffic-related accidents in Brazil. The number by itself shocks, but the reason why those people died is even worse. Studies around the globe shows that even at small doses, alcohol may affect drivers’ efficiency by decreasing their perception and increasing considerably the risk of lethal accidents. For this reason, the Brazilian government has recently published the Federal Law no. 11705/08, which does not allow drinking and driving and establishes stronger penalties, leading to cases of imprisonment. Overall, society should be in favor of this harsh, but necessary law because it can decrease the number of car accidents, it can save lives, and it can reduce the spending of public money related to car accidents.
First, this law can reduce the number of car accidents, since it prohibits drinking and driving, the most relevant cause of car accidents. Once the law establishes a range of severe penalties, including imprisonment to whomever is driving under alcohol effects, it forces drivers to avoid drinking before driving, which in turn prevents many car accidents. For example, after this law has come into effect, the consumption of alcohol has been reduced significantly, and as a result, the number of car accidents decreased around 57%. In other words, when the law coerces drivers not to drink, it creates a safe driving environment, which decreases the risks of car accidents.
Second, this law can save lives by taking drunk drivers off the road. Frightened by the civil and criminal penalties for drunk driving, conductors will respect the message it brings: drinking and driving is considered extremely unsafe. When drivers get conscious of such lesson, many lives will be saved. It has been proven that 44% percent of persons who died presented some percentage of alcohol in their blood. Such results give the idea that in some way alcohol is closed linked to accidents. For this reason, when forcing people to consider not drinking and driving, the number of deaths will decrease. To have an idea, the number of deaths related to car accidents decreased from 277 cases a day, last year, to 156 victims per day, this year. Thus, the drop off in drunk drivers is directly related to the reduction of deaths in car accidents.
Third, this law can prevent the government from spending public money on medical services. According to the Brazilian Medical Association, the State expends 25 billion reais to help out car-crash victims. After the law, the State could save up to 11 million reais in its budget over the past three months. From the economic standpoint, the law is excellent because the Government can save up the money from the taxpayers wasted in medical service. (This paragraph is too short by American standards.)
Therefore, the government worked in the right path when they value life as being more important and relevant in comparison to a small group of people who insists on drinking beverages before driving, arguing that their acts are not dangerous. The right to drink remains, but not when it is related to driving because the results are much clear: more than 36.000 people died last year in car accidents. Understanding that the Federal Law n. 11705/08 is a question of saving lives and public money will make easier for anybody to give up drinking and driving.
Content: 4 / 5
Structure: 4 /5 (Some transition words missing)
Vocabulary: 5 / 5
Grammar: 5 / 5
Mechanics: 5 / 5
Total: 23 / 25