stopping the unplanned city
September 10, 2008A series of cars unable to move. Drivers honking their horn unrandomly.People arriving late at theirs appointments. According to the traffic estatistics São Paulo will surelly stop in 2010. This is a consequence of lots of factors, but the main one is the bad and unthoght urban plannig when the ctiy was built. The handfull kilometers of subway done in the begginig of the 19 century, makes nowadays people buy private car , instead of taking taking this insuficient public transport. The traffic caos could parcially resolved by: building more highllways , estimlating people to ride bikes and finally improving the system of public transportation.
The first step to shrink the traffic caos is to built highaways and tunels. This is a interesting solution because ittakes the driver to the wanted direction or point, avoiding cars to get just a street or avenue to connect to their destin. For instance, Giovanni Gronchi is a very known street and the main one in Morumbi, because in most times it is the only option that people have to get to someplace in Morumbi. Because of its only two lanes, CET, the Brazilian Department of Motor Vehicles, goes every day at 7:00 AM and PM to Giovani to analize the unmovement cars, since most people must take it to go to interior city or to get the Tietê Marginal.
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A series of cars unable to move. Drivers honking their horn unrandomly.People arriving late at theirs appointments. According to the traffic estatistics São Paulo will surelly stop in 2010. This is a consequence of lots of factors, but the main one is the bad and unthought urban plannig when the ctiy was built. The handfull kilometers of subway done in the begginig of the 19 century, makes nowadays people buy private car , instead of taking taking this insuficient public transport. The traffic caos could parcially be resolved by: building more highllways , estimlating people to ride bikes and finally improving the system of public transportation.
The first step to shrink the traffic caos is to built highaways and tunels. This is a interesting solution because it takes the driver to the wanted direction or point, avoiding cars to get just a street or avenue to connect to their destin. For instance, Giovanni Gronchi is a very known street and the main one in Morumbi, because in most times it is the only option that people have to get to someplace in Morumbi. Because of its only two lanes, CET, the Brazilian Department of Motor Vehicles, goes every day at 7:00 AM and PM to Giovani to analize the unmovement cars, since most people must take it to go to countryside or to get the Tietê Marginal. This cenario isn’t visible in Miami, where the city is made of big and kilometrics highways.This system makes cars drive faster and without any kind of stop.
In terms of developed cities such as Paris and Amsterdam, a very well used and usefull option of transportation is the bycicles. This new and different way of moving, make people exercise, relax, since it is a manner of contact with the nature, also avoid being stop many hours in traffic and doesn’t harm the environment. In Paris, 14 thousand bicycles have conquisted the turists and residents of the French capital.People can rent bikes for a day, a week and even an year. in conclusion, this non polluted transport is a way to decrease the number of cars in São Paulo.
A well visible problem in São Paulo city is the insuficent subway. If it was bigger, people would opt for getting it istead of buying a private car. It is the most usefull and faster way to get to the destin. in fact, deveolped cities such New York, Paris and London, which are much smaller than Sao Paulo, have longers and with more points of destins subways. Paris has 231 km of subway when Sao Paulo has just 62 km. Therefore, this is the best sollution for the caos in Sao Paulo
In conclusion, analysing this aspects and sollutions it is possible to observe that Sao Paulo must act and take some of this sytems, otherwise, in 2010, people will surelly be stuck in the traffic .
Picture the following scene: a series of cars unable to move; drivers honking their horn haphazardly; people arriving late at their appointments. According to traffic statistics, São Paulo will surely stop in 2010 as a consequence of the bad and unthought urban planning when the city was built. The handful kilometers of subway built in the beginnig of the 19th century, leaves people with no option nowadays but to buy cars, since they are not able to depend on such a limited means of public transportation. This traffic chaos could parcially be solved by building more highways, stimulating people to ride bikes, and improving the system of public transportation.
The first step to ameliorate the traffic chaos is to build more highaways and tunels. Such measure would take the driver to their destinations, avoiding main streets or avenues, which today, are the only alternatives routes. For instance, Giovanni Gronchi is the main street in Morumbi and the only option that people have around their district. Because it has only two lanes, CET, the Brazilian Department of Motor Vehicles, goes to Giovanni every day at 7:00 AM and PM to analyze the movement of the cars, since most people must take it to go to countryside or to get the Tietê Marginal. (And how would building a highway help this particular problem? Where would this highway be built? How long would it take? Who would pay for it?)
This scenario does not happen in Miami, where there are long highways. This system makes cars drive faster and without any kind of stop.
(OK. Samia, you are on the right track. You can continue your paper following this structure.)
In terms of developed cities such as Paris and Amsterdam, a very well used and usefull option of transportation is the bycicles. This new and different way of moving, make people exercise, relax, since it is a manner of contact with the nature, also avoid being stop many hours in traffic and doesn’t harm the environment. In Paris, 14 thousand bicycles have conquisted the turists and residents of the French capital.People can rent bikes for a day, a week and even an year. in conclusion, this non polluted transport is a way to decrease the number of cars in São Paulo.
A well visible problem in São Paulo city is the insuficent subway. If it was bigger, people would opt for getting it istead of buying a private car. It is the most usefull and faster way to get to the destin. in fact, deveolped cities such New York, Paris and London, which are much smaller than Sao Paulo, have longers and with more points of destins subways. Paris has 231 km of subway when Sao Paulo has just 62 km. Therefore, this is the best sollution for the caos in Sao Paulo
In conclusion, analysing this aspects and sollutions it is possible to observe that Sao Paulo must act and take some of this sytems, otherwise, in 2010, people will surelly be stuck in the traffic .
Sorry, Samia, I had not seen this last part.
(You will need a topic sentence to start your second topic.) In terms of developed cities such as Paris and Amsterdam, a very well used and useful option of transportation is the bycicle. Cycling makes people exercise, relax, since it involves contact with nature, and also avoid the spending of many hours stuck in traffic besides not harming the environment. In Paris, 14 thousand bicycles have won the turists and residents of the French capital over. People can rent bikes for a day, a week and even an year. (How would it work in São Paulo?) In conclusion, this non-polluting transport is a way to decrease the number of cars in São Paulo.
(You need a topic sentence here for your third topic.) A well visible problem in São Paulo city is the insuficent subway system. If it were larger and more comprehensive, people would take it instead of buying a car. The subway is the most useful and faster way to get to many destinations. In fact, deveolped cities such New York, Paris and London, which are much smaller than Sao Paulo, have longer and more sophisticated systems where there are more entrances and exits throughout the cities. Paris, for instance, has 231 km of subway when Sao Paulo has just 62 km. (How could the extension of the subway system help São Paulo specifically? Where would this extension be built?) Therefore, building more subways would be one of the most efficient solutions for the chaos in Sao Paulo.
In conclusion, (You need to offer some solutions here in more details like the planning for some real possibilities.) Sao Paulo must act towards alternative plans to its transportantion system; otherwise, in 2010, people will surelly be stuck in traffic.
Picture the following scene: a series of cars unable to move; drivers honking their horn haphazardly; people arriving late at their appointments. According to traffic statistics, São Paulo will surely stop in 2010 as a consequence of the bad and unthought urban planning when the city was built. The handful kilometers of subway built in the beginnig of the 19th century, leaves people with no option nowadays but to buy cars, since they are not able to depend on such a limited means of public transportation. This traffic chaos could parcially be solved by building more highways, stimulating people to ride bikes, and improving the system of public transportation.
The first step to ameliorate the traffic chaos is to build more highaways and tunels. Such measure would take the driver to their destinations, avoiding main streets or avenues, which today, are the only alternatives routes. For instance, Giovanni Gronchi is the main street in Morumbi and the only option that people have around their district. Because it has only two lanes, CET, the Brazilian Department of Motor Vehicles, goes to Giovanni every day at 7:00 AM and PM to analyze the movement of the cars, since most people must take it to go to countryside or to get the Tietê Marginal.in addition, buliding a big highway in a paralel axe of the current Giovanni Gronchi, with the suficient longer to resolve the traffic problem in this area.The actor of this project should be the massy government.However,this scenario it is not observed in Miami, where there are long highways. This system makes cars drive faster and without any kind of stop.
Another soltuion to decrese the chaos traffic would be the option of riding bikes. Cycling makes people exercise, relax, since it involves contact with nature, and also avoid the spending of many hours stuck in traffic besides not harming the environment. this sytem in well usefull in developed cities such Amsterdam and Paris. For instance,in Paris, 14 thousand bicycles have won the turists and residents of the French capital over. People can rent bikes for a day, a week and even an year. This new method of transportation would be usefull in São Paulo, except for long avenues since it is a bit dangerous.In conclusion, this non-polluting transport is a way to decrease the number of cars in São Paulo.
The mainly problem of the traffic is the insuficent subway system. If it were larger and more comprehensive, people would take it instead of buying a car. The subway is the most useful and faster way to get to many destinations. In fact, deveolped cities such New York, Paris and London, which are much smaller than Sao Paulo, have longer and more sophisticated systems where there are more entrances and exits throughout the cities. Paris, for instance, has 231 km of subway when Sao Paulo has just 62 km. For instance, the São Paulo government is already improving the subway, because of the 2014 World Cup, which is going to be in Brazil. The project consist in built more 150 km of subway. Therefore, building more subways would be one of the most efficient solutions for the chaos in Sao Paulo.
In conclusion,riding bikes istead of getting cars, driving with fluency on the gougeous and longers highways, and using a efficient subway, which takes people to wahtever destinations,would be the face of São Paulo, in the Government acts towards alternative plans to its transportantion system; otherwise, in 2010, people will surelly be stuck in traffic.
Picture the following scene: a series of cars unable to move; drivers honking their horn haphazardly; people arriving late at their appointments. According to traffic statistics, São Paulo will surely stop in 2010 as a consequence of the bad and unthought urban planning when the city was built. The handful kilometers of subway built in the beginnig of the 19th century, leaves people with no option nowadays but to buy cars, since they are not able to depend on such a limited means of public transportation. This traffic chaos could parcially be solved by building more highways, stimulating people to ride bikes, and improving the system of public transportation.
The first step to ameliorate the traffic chaos is to build more highaways and tunels. Such measure would take the driver to their destinations, avoiding main streets or avenues, which today, are the only alternatives routes. For instance, Giovanni Gronchi is the main street in Morumbi and the only option that people have around their district. Because it has only two lanes, CET, the Brazilian Department of Motor Vehicles, goes to Giovanni every day at 7:00 AM and PM to analyze the movement of the cars, since most people must take it to go to countryside or to get the Tietê Marginal.in addition, buliding a big highway in a paralel axe of the current Giovanni Gronchi, with the suficient longer to resolve the traffic problem in this area.The actor of this project should be the massy government.However,this scenario it is not observed in Miami, where there are long highways. This system makes cars drive faster and without any kind of stop.
Another soltuion to decrese the chaos traffic would be the option of riding bikes. Cycling makes people exercise, relax, since it involves contact with nature, and also avoid the spending of many hours stuck in traffic besides not harming the environment. this sytem in well usefull in developed cities such Amsterdam and Paris. For instance,in Paris, 14 thousand bicycles have won the turists and residents of the French capital over. People can rent bikes for a day, a week and even an year. This new method of transportation would be usefull in São Paulo, except for long avenues since it is a bit dangerous.In conclusion, this non-polluting transport is a way to decrease the number of cars in São Paulo.
The mainly problem of the traffic is the insuficent subway system. If it were larger and more comprehensive, people would take it instead of buying a car. The subway is the most useful and faster way to get to many destinations. In fact, deveolped cities such New York, Paris and London, which are much smaller than Sao Paulo, have longer and more sophisticated systems where there are more entrances and exits throughout the cities. Paris, for instance, has 231 km of subway when Sao Paulo has just 62 km. For instance, the São Paulo government is already improving the subway, because of the 2014 World Cup, which is going to be in Brazil. The project consist in built more 150 km of subway. Therefore, building more subways would be one of the most efficient solutions for the chaos in Sao Paulo.
In conclusion,riding bikes instead of getting cars, driving with fluency on the gourgeous and longers highways, and using an efficient subway, which takes people to wahtever destinations,would be the face of São Paulo, if the Government acts towards alternative plans to its transportantion system; otherwise, in 2010, people will surelly be stuck in traffic.
Samia, you will need a title for your paper.
Picture the following scene: a series of cars unable to move; drivers honking their horn haphazardly; people arriving late at their appointments. According to traffic statistics, São Paulo will surely stop in 2010 as a consequence of the bad and faulty urban planning when the city was built. The handful kilometers of subway built in the beginnig of the 19th century leaves people with no option nowadays but to buy cars, since they are not able to depend on such a limited means of public transportation. This traffic chaos could parcially be solved by building more highways, stimulating people to ride bikes, and improving the system of public transportation.
The first step to ameliorate the traffic chaos is to build more highaways. Such measure would take the driver to their destinations, avoiding main streets or avenues, which today, are the only alternatives routes. For instance, Giovanni Gronchi is the main street in Morumbi and the only option that people have around their district. Because it has only two lanes, CET, the Brazilian Department of Motor Vehicles, goes to Giovanni every day at 7:00 AM and PM to analyze the movement of the cars, since most people must take it to go to countryside or to get the Tietê Marginal. In addition, building a larger highway in a paralel axe to the current Giovanni Gronchi, with the suficient lentgth to solve the traffic problem in this area. Thus, more roads can help ameliorate the traffic in São Paulo.
Another soltuion to decrese the chaos traffic would be the option of riding bikes. Cycling makes people exercise, relax, since it involves contact with nature, and also avoid the spending of many hours stuck in traffic besides not harming the environment. this sytem in well usefull in developed cities such Amsterdam and Paris. For instance,in Paris, 14 thousand bicycles have won the turists and residents of the French capital over. People can rent bikes for a day, a week and even an year. This new method of transportation would be usefull in São Paulo, except for long avenues since it is a bit dangerous.In conclusion, this non-polluting transport is a way to decrease the number of cars in São Paulo.
The mainly problem of the traffic is the insuficent subway system. If it were larger and more comprehensive, people would take it instead of buying a car. The subway is the most useful and faster way to get to many destinations. In fact, deveolped cities such New York, Paris and London, which are much smaller than Sao Paulo, have longer and more sophisticated systems where there are more entrances and exits throughout the cities. Paris, for instance, has 231 km of subway when Sao Paulo has just 62 km. For instance, the São Paulo government is already improving the subway, because of the 2014 World Cup, which is going to be in Brazil. The project consist in built more 150 km of subway. Therefore, building more subways would be one of the most efficient solutions for the chaos in Sao Paulo.
In conclusion,riding bikes instead of getting cars, driving with fluency on the gourgeous and longers highways, and using an efficient subway, which takes people to wahtever destinations,would be the face of São Paulo, if the Government acts towards alternative plans to its transportantion system; otherwise, in 2010, people will surelly be stuck in traffic.
Samia, you will need a title for your paper.
Picture the following scene: a series of cars unable to move, drivers honking their horn haphazardly, people arriving late at their appointments. According to traffic statistics, São Paulo will surely stop in 2010 as a consequence of the bad and faulty urban planning when the city was built. The handful kilometers of subway built in the beginning of the 19th century leaves people with no option but to buy cars since they are not able to depend on such a limited means of public transportation. This traffic chaos could parcially be solved by building more highways, stimulating people to ride bikes, and improving the system of public transportation.
The first step to ameliorate the traffic chaos is to build more highways. Such measure would take the driver to their destinations, avoiding main streets or avenues, which today, are the only alternatives routes. For instance, Giovanni Gronchi is the main street in Morumbi and the only option that people have around their district. Because it has only two lanes, CET, the Brazilian Department of Motor Vehicles, goes to Giovanni every day at 7:00 AM and PM to analyze the movement of the cars since most people must take it to go to countryside or to get the Tietê Marginal. Building a larger highway in a parallel axe to the current Giovanni Gronchi with the sufficient length would solve the traffic problem in this area, and consequently, traffic in São Paulo.
The second step in solving this traffic problem is to encourage the general population to rike bikes.
Cycling makes people exercise and relax since it involves contact with nature. It also avoids the spending of many hours stuck in traffic, not mentioning not harming the environment. This system has been quite useful in developed cities such Amsterdam and Paris. For instance, in Paris, 14 thousand bicycles have won over tourists and residents of the French capital. Parisians and foreigners can rent bikes for a day, a week and even an year. This new method of transportation would be a God send to São Paulo, except for long avenues since it is a bit dangerous (This sentence is going against your topic sentence of encouraging people to ride bikes. Also, you would need to include a more detailed plan on how to convince the population to adopt this new lifestyle and also how this system would work. Our whole infra structure to accomodate bikes would have to be developed and you would need to include at least a general idea of how this would work.)In conclusion, this non-polluting means of transportation is an effective way to decrease the number of cars in São Paulo.
A third issue that needs to be taken into account is the limitation of our subway system. If it were larger and more comprehensive, people would consider taking it instead of driving a car. The subway is the most useful and faster way to get to many destinations. In fact, developed cities such New York, Paris and London, which are much smaller than Sao Paulo, have longer and more sophisticated systems where there are more entrances and exits throughout the cities. Paris, for instance, has 231 km of subway when Sao Paulo has just 62 km. (Samia, these two ideas do not seem to connect as far as meaning goes. I am not asking you to delete them, but for you to find a smoother way to connect them.)
The São Paulo government is already improving the subway system because of the 2014 World Cup, which is going to be in Brazil. The project consists in building 150 km more of subway tunnels. (Samia, you need to offer more details on this construction to prove to the reader that the expansion of these subway system will indeed help the traffic in São Paulo. I am referring to an example like the one on Giovanni Gronchi.) Therefore, building more subways would be one of the most efficient solutions for the traffic chaos in Sao Paulo.
In other words, riding bikes instead of getting cars, driving on longer and smoother highways, and using an efficient subway system which takes people to whichever destinations they wish would be the face of the new São Paulo city. Unless the government works towards alternative plans to its transportantion system, in 2010, people will surely be caught in traffic.
Samia,
Here is your grade.
Content: 4 / 5 (Some ideas go against your topic.)
Structure: 5 / 5
Vocabulary: 4 / 5
Grammar: 4 / 5
Mechanics: 4 / 5
Samia, if you compare my revision to your first draft, you will see the vocabulary, grammar, and mechanics mistakes you have made.
Total: 21 / 25
Stopping the unplanned city
Picture the following scene: a series of cars unable to move, drivers honking their horn haphazardly, people arriving late at their appointments. According to traffic statistics, São Paulo will surely stop in 2010 as a consequence of the bad and faulty urban planning when the city was built. The handful kilometers of subway built in the beginning of the 19th century leaves people with no option but to buy cars since they are not able to depend on such a limited means of public transportation. This traffic chaos could parcially be solved by building more highways, stimulating people to ride bikes, and improving the system of public transportation.
The first step to ameliorate the traffic chaos is to build more highways. Such measure would take the driver to their destinations, avoiding main streets or avenues, which today, are the only alternatives routes. For instance, Giovanni Gronchi is the main street in Morumbi and the only option that people have around their district. Because it has only two lanes, CET, the Brazilian Department of Motor Vehicles, goes to Giovanni every day at 7:00 AM and PM to analyze the movement of the cars since most people must take it to go to countryside or to get the Tietê Marginal. Building a larger highway in a parallel axe to the current Giovanni Gronchi with the sufficient length would solve the traffic problem in this area, and consequently, traffic in São Paulo.
The second step in solving this traffic problem is to encourage the general population to rike bikes.
Cycling makes people exercise and relax since it involves contact with nature. It also avoids the spending of many hours stuck in traffic, not mentioning not harming the environment. This system has been quite useful in developed cities such Amsterdam and Paris. For instance, in Paris, 14 thousand bicycles have won over tourists and residents of the French capital. Parisians and foreigners can rent bikes for a day, a week and even an year. This new method of transportation would be a God send to São Paulo, except for long avenues since it is a bit dangerous .Although this last aspect is non-convivsible, the government should expain where bikes are alowed to ride, and also build some places spreaded in the city,like centers of renting( since for one day to an year). In conclusion, this non-polluting means of transportation is an effective way to decrease the number of cars in São Paulo.
A third issue that needs to be taken into account is the limitation of our subway system. If it were larger and more comprehensive, people would consider taking it instead of driving a car. The subway is the most useful and faster way to get to many destinations. In fact, developed cities such New York, Paris and London, which are much smaller than Sao Paulo, have longer and more sophisticated systems where there are more entrances and exits throughout the cities. Paris, for instance, has 231 km of subway when Sao Paulo has just 62 km. However, Paris is more developed and much smaller than São Paulo.The São Paulo government is already improving the subway system because of the 2014 World Cup, which is going to be in Brazil. The project consists in building 150 km more of subway tunnels in wanted places and to the most frequented destins, where nowadays, people need to walk long kilometers in a non secure city to arrive to the destin. Therefore, building more subways would be one of the most efficient solutions for the traffic chaos in Sao Paulo.
In other words, riding bikes instead of getting cars, driving on longer and smoother highways, and using an efficient subway system which takes people to whichever destinations they wish would be the face of the new São Paulo city. Unless the government works towards alternative plans to its transportantion system, in 2010, people will surely be caught in traffic.
Stopping the unplanned city
Picture the following scene: a series of cars unable to move, drivers honking their horn haphazardly, people arriving late at their appointments. According to traffic statistics, São Paulo will surely stop in 2010 as a consequence of the bad and faulty urban planning when the city was built. The handful kilometers of subway built in the beginning of the 19th century leaves people with no option but to buy cars since they are not able to depend on such a limited means of public transportation. This traffic chaos could parcially be solved by building more highways, stimulating people to ride bikes, and improving the system of public transportation.
The first step to ameliorate the traffic chaos is to build more highways. Such measure would take the driver to their destinations, avoiding main streets or avenues, which today, are the only alternatives routes. For instance, Giovanni Gronchi is the main street in Morumbi and the only option that people have around their district. Because it has only two lanes, CET, the Brazilian Department of Motor Vehicles, goes to Giovanni every day at 7:00 AM and PM to analyze the movement of the cars since most people must take it to go to countryside or to get the Tietê Marginal. Building a larger highway in a parallel axe to the current Giovanni Gronchi with the sufficient length would solve the traffic problem in this area, and consequently, traffic in São Paulo.
The second step in solving this traffic problem is to encourage the general population to rike bikes.
Cycling makes people exercise and relax since it involves contact with nature. It also avoids the spending of many hours stuck in traffic, not mentioning not harming the environment. This system has been quite useful in developed cities such Amsterdam and Paris. For instance, in Paris, 14 thousand bicycles have won over tourists and residents of the French capital. Parisians and foreigners can rent bikes for a day, a week and even an year. This new method of transportation would be a God send to São Paulo, except for long avenues since it is a bit dangerous .Although this last aspect is non-convivsible (What do you mean?), the government should expain where bikes are allowed to ride, and also build some places spread in the city,like centers of renting( from one day to an year). In conclusion, this non-polluting means of transportation is an effective way to decrease the number of cars in São Paulo.
A third issue that needs to be taken into account is the limitation of our subway system. If it were larger and more comprehensive, people would consider taking it instead of driving a car. The subway is the most useful and faster way to get to many destinations. In fact, developed cities such New York, Paris and London, which are much smaller than Sao Paulo, have longer and more sophisticated systems where there are more entrances and exits throughout the cities. Paris, for instance, has 231 km of subway when Sao Paulo has just 62 km. However, Paris is more developed and much smaller than São Paulo.The São Paulo government is already improving the subway system because of the 2014 World Cup, which is going to be in Brazil. The project consists in building 150 km more of subway tunnels in wanted places and to the most frequented destins, where nowadays, people need to walk long kilometers in a non secure city to arrive to the destination. (It would make sense if you could come up with an specific example of where such solution would work.) Therefore, building more subways would be one of the most efficient solutions for the traffic chaos in Sao Paulo.
In other words, riding bikes instead of getting cars, driving on longer and smoother highways, and using an efficient subway system which takes people to whichever destinations they wish would be the face of the new São Paulo city. Unless the government works towards alternative plans to its transportantion system, in 2010, people will surely be caught in traffic.
Content: 5 / 5
Structure: 5 / 5
Vocabulary: 5 / 5
Grammar: 4 /5
Mechanics: 5 / 5
Final grade: 24 /25