Words that can change your life
August 17, 2008It all started with a simple cough, which worsened to a bloody cough and ended with a devastating diagnosis: lung cancer and 6 months of life.
This was the death sentence my father heard from his physician in 2002.
I wonder what were my father’s thoughts after receiving those words. At that time, he used to live in Londrina – Paraná, where he ran a business, on his own. Receiving the cancer diagnosis is already difficult; however, facing it alone, was even worse.
The first feeling might have been a mix of shock, disbelief, fear, uncertainty, sadness, anger, confusion and depression. No one is ever ready to hear they have cancer. Although my father always knew the risk of smoking, he never thought it could ever happen to him. “Why me?”, “Why didn´t I realize the symptoms earlier?”, “Why didn´t I stopped smoking many years ago?”, “How will be the treatment? Will it worth the suffering and pain?”, “What about my future plans and my dreams?”, “What can I do in 6 months?” and “How should I tell my family?”.
The first person my father talked to was my mom. My mother is the strongest person I´ve ever seen. However, on that day, she cried. She told my brothers and me about the diagnosis and how we should stay together to help my father deal with that.
I couldn´t think rationally: I was in shock… One thousand things were passed through my mind: anger, fear, disbelief and grief. “Why my father?”, “Why didn’t we demand my father to stop smoking or having a medical appointment earlier?”, “Why 6 months?”, “What should I tell him?” and specially “Why shouldn’t I spent more time with my father when I had the opportunity?”.
Accepting the diagnosis and figuring out how the cancer would fit into our lives was challenging, mainly for my father. When you know someone you love is going to die and you can not do anything, you feel hopeless, useless and weak.
My father’s first reaction was to isolate himself from the world. He did not speak one word for a long period of time. We did not want to interfere in his privacy, which he was entitled to. After some months, my father realized that coping with his own mortality and the demands of cancer meant looking more closely to his personal and family values and what was important in his life. He realized that he could not struggle with the cancer alone: he decided to ask for support.
After facing the lung cancer, my father also faced a brain cancer metastasis in 2004. He underwent 2 surgeries, 10 chemotherapy sessions, 30 radiotherapy sessions and countless visits to his physicians. Recently, my father was considered cured from both cancer and the 6-month period of life was postponed for some years more…
The cancer was overcome not only by my father, but also by all my family. We learned to look after the people we love and that staying together can make us stronger. One will only realize how much a person is important, when they discover they could lose the loved one. Additionally, we realize that your presence is also a way to show your support for the person you love.
That words stated by the physician changed my family’s life: firstly, in a shocking, but good way; otherwise, we would never discover how strong and united my family could be.
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It all started with a simple cough, which worsened to a bloody cough and ended with a devastating diagnosis: lung cancer and 6 months of life.
This was the death sentence my father heard from his physician in 2002.
I wonder what were my father’s thoughts after receiving those words. At that time, he used to live in Londrina – Paraná, where he ran a business, on his own. Receiving the cancer diagnosis is already difficult; however, facing it alone, was even worse.
The first feeling might have been a mix of shock, disbelief, fear, uncertainty, sadness, anger, confusion and depression. No one is ever ready to hear they have cancer. Although my father always knew the risk of smoking, he never thought it could ever happen to him. “Why me?”, “Why didn´t I realize the symptoms earlier?”, “Why didn´t I stopped smoking many years ago?” ((verb tense)), “How will be the treatment? Will it worth the suffering and pain?”, “What about my future plans and my dreams?”, “What can I do in 6 months?” and “How should I tell my family?”.
The first person my father talked to was my mom. My mother is the strongest person I´ve ever seen. However, on that day, she cried. She told my brothers and me ((isn’t it “my brothers and I”?))about the diagnosis and how we should stay together to help my father deal with that.
I couldn´t think rationally: I was in shock… One thousand things were passed through my mind: anger, fear, disbelief and grief. “Why my father?”, “Why didn’t we demand my father to stop smoking or having a medical appointment earlier?”, “Why 6 months?”, “What should I tell him?” and specially “Why shouldn’t I spent more time with my father when I had the opportunity?”.
Accepting the diagnosis and figuring out how the cancer would fit into our lives was challenging, mainly for my father. When you know someone you love is going to die and you can not do anything, you feel hopeless, useless and weak.
My father’s first reaction was to isolate himself from the world. He did not speak one word for a long period of time. We did not want to interfere in his privacy, which he was entitled to. After some months, my father realized that coping with his own mortality and the demands of cancer meant looking more closely ((closer sounds better)) to his personal and family values and what was important in his life. He realized that he could not struggle with the cancer alone: he decided to ask for support.
After facing the lung cancer ((how did it end up?)), my father also faced a brain cancer metastasis in 2004. He underwent 2 surgeries, 10 chemotherapy sessions, 30 radiotherapy sessions and countless visits to his physicians. Recently, my father was considered cured from both cancer and the 6-month period of life was postponed for some years more…
The cancer was overcome not only by my father, but also by all my family. We learned to look after the people we love and that staying together can make us stronger. One ((instead of “one”, try “people”, sounds better, makes it more general)) will only realize how much a person is important, when they discover they could ((can)) lose the loved one. Additionally, we realize that your presence ((“that presence is”)) is also a way to show your support for the person you love. ((“show support”; again, try to make it more general))
That words stated by the physician changed my family’s life: firstly, in a shocking, but good way; otherwise, we would never discover how strong and united my family could be.
Words that can change your life
August 17, 2008
It all started with a simple cough, which worsened to a bloody cough and ended with a devastating diagnosis: lung cancer and 6 months of life.
This was the death sentence my father heard from his physician in 2002.
I wonder what were my father’s thoughts after receiving those words. At that time, he used to live in Londrina – Paraná, where he ran a business, on his own. Receiving the cancer diagnosis is already difficult; however, facing it alone, was even worse.
The first feeling might have been a mix of shock, disbelief, fear, uncertainty, sadness, anger, confusion and depression. No one is ever ready to hear they have cancer. Although my father always knew the risk of smoking, he never thought it could ever happen to him. “Why me?”, “Why didn´t I realize the symptoms earlier?”, “Why didn´t I stop smoking many years ago?”, “How will be the treatment? Will it worth the suffering and pain?”, “What about my future plans and my dreams?”, “What can I do in 6 months?” and “How should I tell my family?”.
The first person my father talked to was my mom. My mother is the strongest person I´ve ever seen. However, on that day, she cried. She told my brothers and me about the diagnosis and how we should stay together to help my father deal with the news.
I couldn´t think rationally: I was in shock… One thousand things were passed through my mind: anger, fear, disbelief and grief. “Why my father?”, “Why didn’t we demand my father to stop smoking or having a medical appointment earlier?”, “Why 6 months?”, “What should I tell him?” and specially “Why shouldn’t I spent more time with my father when I had the opportunity?”.
Accepting the diagnosis and figuring out how the cancer would fit into our lives was challenging, mainly for my father. When you know someone you love is going to die and you can not do anything, you feel hopeless, useless and weak.
My father’s first reaction was to isolate himself from the world. He did not speak one word for a long period of time. We did not want to interfere in his privacy, which he was entitled to. After some months, my father realized that coping with his own mortality and the demands of cancer meant looking closer to his personal and family values and what was important in his life. He realized that he could not struggle with the cancer alone: he decided to ask for support.
After facing the lung cancer, my father also faced a brain cancer metastasis in 2004. He underwent 2 surgeries (lung and brain tumor removal surgeries), 10 chemotherapy sessions, 30 radiotherapy sessions and countless visits to his physicians. Recently, my father was considered cured from both cancer and the 6-month period of life was postponed for some years more…
The cancer was overcome not only by my father, but also by all my family. We learned to look after the people we love and that staying together can make us stronger. People will only realize how much a person is important, when they discover they can lose the loved one. Additionally, we realize that the presence is also a way to show support.
Those words stated by the physician changed my family’s life: in a shocking, but good way; otherwise, we would never discover how strong and united my family could be.
It all started with a simple cough, which worsened to a bloody cough and ended with a devastating diagnosis: lung cancer and 6 months of life.
This was the death sentence my father heard from his physician in 2002.
I wonder what were my father’s thoughts after receiving those words. At that time, he used to live in Londrina – Paraná, where he ran a business, on his own. Receiving the cancer diagnosis is already difficult; however, facing it alone (why “facing it alone”? didn’t you help him? You mean, receiving the diagnosis alone?), was even worse.
The first feeling might have been a mix of shock, disbelief, fear, uncertainty, sadness, anger, confusion and depression. No one is ever ready to hear they have cancer. Although my father always knew the risk of smoking, he never thought it could ever happen to him. “Why me?”, “Why didn´t I realize the symptoms earlier?”, “Why didn´t I stopped smoking many years ago?”, “How will be the treatment? Will it worth the suffering and pain?”, “What about my future plans and my dreams?”, “What can I do in 6 months?” and “How should I tell my family?”.
The first person my father talked to was my mom. My mother is the strongest person I´ve ever seen (why?). However, on that day, she cried (how much she cried?). She told my brothers and me about the diagnosis and how we should stay together to help my father deal with that.
I couldn´t think rationally: I was in shock… One thousand things were passed through my mind: anger, fear, disbelief and grief. “Why my father?”, “Why didn’t we demand my father to stop smoking or having a medical appointment earlier?”, “Why 6 months?”, “What should I tell him?” and specially “Why shouldn’t I spent more time with my father when I had the opportunity?”.
Accepting the diagnosis and figuring out how the cancer would fit into our lives was challenging, mainly for my father. When you know someone you love is going to die and you can not do anything, you feel hopeless, useless and weak.
My father’s first reaction was to isolate himself from the world. He did not speak one word for a long period of time. We did not want to interfere in his privacy, which he was entitled to. After some months, my father realized that coping with his own mortality and the demands of cancer meant looking more closely to his personal and family values and what was important in his life. He realized that he could not struggle with the cancer alone: he decided to ask for support.
After facing the lung cancer (how long?), my father also faced a brain cancer metastasis in 2004. He underwent 2 surgeries, 10 chemotherapy sessions, 30 radiotherapy sessions and countless visits to his physicians. Recently, my father was considered cured from both cancer and the 6-month period of life was postponed for some years more…
The cancer was overcome not only by my father, but also by all my family. We learned to look after the people we love and that staying together can make us stronger. One will only realize how much a person is important, when they discover they could lose the loved one. Additionally, we realize that your presence is also a way to show your support for the person you love.
That words stated by the physician changed my family’s life: firstly, in a shocking, but good way; otherwise, we would never discover how strong and united my family could be.
Words that can change your life
It all started with a simple cough, which worsened to a bloody cough and ended with a devastating diagnosis: lung cancer and 6 months of life. (WOW … what a great beginning!!! Very powerful and descriptive
This was the death sentence my father had heard from his physician in 2002.
I wonder what my father’s thoughts after having received the news were. At that time, he used to live in Londrina, Paraná, where he used to run a business (What kind of business? Renata, it is always wise to insert an adjective to most of your nouns because adjectives offer life to nouns, making them stand out as visual units.) of his own.
Receiving the cancer diagnosis is already difficult; however, facing it alone, must have been even worse (Renata, this sentence is full of verb to be and also with abstract adjectives such as difficult and worse. Try to bring this thought down to something more concrete or to abandon it altogether.)
The first feeling might have been a mix of shock, disbelief, fear, uncertainty, sadness, anger, confusion and depression (Hummmm .. in English, it is not very wise for a write to list a string of nouns or adjectives. It is much better for you to SHOW us how your father felt by using his actions. Let me show up an example. “When my dad held the medical report in his hands in his car in front of the doctor’s office, his eyes welled up in tears, blurring any attempt of reading the minuscule font the diagnosis had been written with.”
No one is ever ready to hear they have cancer. (Careful with obvious statements.) Although my father always knew of the risk of smoking, he had never thought it could ever happen to him. “Why me?”, “Why didn´t I realize the symptoms earlier?”, “Why didn´t I stop smoking many years ago?”, “How will be the treatment? Will it worth the suffering and pain?”, “What about my future plans and my dreams?”, “What can I do in 6 months?” and “How should I tell my family?”. (Renata, in English, the writer is not supposed to ask questions, but to answer them. Although I know that your intention is not have your reader answer all of the questions above, Americans would critize any writing that leaves questions unanswered. Thus, you will probably have to rethink the purpose of this string of questions and either reformulate them or abandon the thought altogether.)
The first person my father talked to was my mom. My mother is the strongest person I´ve ever seen. However, that day, she cried. (Renata, you are rushing your narrative here. Try something like “After days of heavy pondering, my father decided to share his burden with my mom, who has always faced the hardships life has imposed on her with a lot of strength. However, that day, not even my mother could withhold her tears.”
She told my brothers and me about the diagnosis and how we should stay together to help my father deal with the news. (What was the plan?)
I couldn´t think rationally: I was in shock. (Careful with the use of the verb to be. Normally, Renata, the overuse of the verb to be comes with vague adjectives or nouns like SHOCK. You would need to SHOW us how shocked you were and not simply TELL us about it.)
One thousand things rushed through my mind: anger, fear, disbelief and grief. (Again, you are using empty words like THINGS, you are listing words, and also you are using a string of questions. You will need to revise this portion of your paper
“Why my father?”, “Why didn’t we demand my father to stop smoking or having a medical appointment earlier?”, “Why 6 months?”, “What should I tell him?” and specially “Why shouldn’t I spent more time with my father when I had the opportunity?”.
Accepting the diagnosis and figuring out how the cancer would fit into our lives was challenging, mainly for my father. When you (Me? You should avoid the use of second person in writing at all times. Using YOU makes the relationship between the writer and the reader too intimate for an American taste. Remember: space, space, space). know someone you love is going to die and you cannot do anything, you feel hopeless, useless and weak. (How did your family deal with such lack of power over your father’s recently diagnosed cancer?)
My father’s first reaction was to isolate himself from the world. He did not speak one word for a long period of time. (What did he use to do? Keep himself locked in his study room, reading old Japanese Samurai novels?) We did not want to interfere in his privacy, which he was entitled to. (And what did you guys do? Pretend to be watching TV as you paid careful attention to any noise coming from the study room?)
After some months, my father realized that coping with his own mortality and the demands of cancer meant looking closer to his personal and family values and what was important in his life. He realized that he could not struggle with the cancer alone: he decided to ask for support. (in which form? What did he do exactly? Again, Renata, you must SHOW your ideas and not merely mention them.)
After facing the lung cancer, my father also faced a brain cancer metastasis in 2004. He underwent lung and brain tumor removal surgeries, ten chemotherapy sessions, thirty radiotherapy sessions and countless visits to his physicians. Recently, my father was considered cured from both cancers and the 6-month period of life was postponed for some more years.
The cancer was overcome not only by my father, but also by all my family. We learned to look after the people we love (but how did you learn that? What did you do during all the treatment? How did your behavior change? Especially in an Asian family, where people tend to be so cold towards one another compared to a warmer Brazilian household?) and that staying together can make us stronger. People will only realize how much a person is important, when they discover they can lose the loved one. Additionally, we realize that the presence is also a way to show support. (I didn’t get what you are trying to say with this last sentence of yours
Those words stated by the physician changed my family’s life: in a shocking, but good way (careful with empty words); otherwise, we would never have discovered how strong and united my family could be.
Words that can change your life
It all started with a simple cough, which worsened to a bloody cough and ended with a devastating diagnosis: lung cancer and 6 months of life. This was the death sentence my father had heard from his physician in 2002.
At that time, he used to live in Londrina, a medium city in Paraná, where he used to run a small business of his own. Many years prior to his decision to open the auto painting service shop there, my father forecasted the increase in the demand for quality in business related to cars. Therefore, he studied the market and opened his shop. Since his dream involved a great burden: to live alone, the loneliness and the long distance from us made him start smoking even more.
I wonder what my father’s thoughts after having received the news were.
Few days prior to the medical appointment, my father called my mom, my siblings and me and he told us, with a trembling voice, that he was fine and probably, the cough was just a severe flu. By using those words, he was trying to convince himself, more than us, that 39 years smoking hadn´t caused him any harm.
After hearing the diagnosis, it looked like all the noise around him had disappeared and a terrifying silent took over: he wasn’t attending to what was being said by the doctor about the treatments options or the chance of improving his quality of life during these 6 months of life. Only two sentences were in his mind: cancer and 6 months of life! On account of the fact that he could not believe in the diagnosis, he held the medical report and read those same words. His bottom lip trembled, tears welled up in his eyes and his heart started beating faster.
Although my father always knew of the risk of smoking, he had never thought it could ever happen to him. Several thoughts rushed out in his mind. He was wondering the reasons why life had chosen and punished him and how he would summarize the plans for the next 30 years in just 6 months. At that exact moment, he realized that during those 39 years he had smoked, he wasted not only money, but also his life and that 39 years of pleasure do not compensate death.
It took him some minutes to return to the reality and listen to the next steps the physician was explaining. My father forecasted a future with pain, suffering and many adverse reactions caused by the chemotherapy and radiotherapy.
After some hours of heavy pondering, my father decided to share his sadness and fear with my mom, who has always fought with the obstacles life has imposed on her with a lot of strength and courage. However, that day, not even my mother could withhold her tears.
She told my brothers and me about the diagnosis and how we should stay together to help my father deal with the news. My father would stay in São Paulo with us until the therapies start. According to the plan, we would treat my father normally and would try to support him whenever he needed.
I could not believe in those words. I wished I was there with my dad when he received the diagnosis just to hold his hands and give him a hug. I felt guilty for not demanding my father to stop smoking or having a medical appointment earlier. I tried to find whose fault was it. Besides the fact that I blamed myself for not enjoying the time with my dad when I had the opportunity, I did not know how I would spend the only 6 months ahead I had with him.
Accepting the diagnosis and figuring out how the cancer would fit into our lives was challenging, mainly for my dad. When someone knows that a loved person is going to die and there are no options to offer, some people feel hopeless, useless and weak. We knew that our weaponry against the cancer would be giving my dad support, comforting words and hope. By giving him a hug or a goodnight kiss, we tried to show him that we were there to help him carry the heavy load.
My father’s first reaction was to isolate himself from the world. He did not speak one word for a long period of time. He used to stay in the TV room all by himself and although he was looking to the TV, his eyes looked to be very distant. Sometimes, he spent many hours at the balcony looking to the horizon. We never knew what he was thinking of or feeling at those moments of loneliness. We did not want to interfere in his privacy, which he was entitled to. Since we noticed that my dad wanted to be on his own, we tried to live normally, but always paying attention to any sign that my dad could give us.
After some months, my dad realized that coping with his own mortality and the demands of cancer meant looking closer to his personal and family values and what was important in his life. He realized that he could not struggle with the cancer alone: he decided to ask for support. Firstly, he started asking about our day in work or commenting on a movie he had seen and afterwards he decided to show me the medical report and to talk about his diagnosis and treatment.
After facing the lung cancer for one year, my father also faced a brain cancer metastasis in 2004. He underwent lung and brain tumor removal surgeries, then chemotherapy sessions, thirty radiotherapy sessions and countless visits to his physicians. My dad’s physician had no hope to cure him and recently, he assessed my dad as cured from both cancers. The 6-month period of life was postponed for some more years.
During all these periods, we started enjoying and value every minute we had with my dad: a simple movie we saw together, a simple rice-and-beans dinner he had prepared us, an angry complaint about the time my siblings and I got home or about our money expenses, a joke, a smile or simply being beside him on the couch.
The cancer was overcome not only by my dad, but also by all my family. We learned to look after the people we love and that staying together can make us stronger. People will only realize how much a person is important, when they discover they can lose the loved one.
The words stated by the physician changed my family’s life: we have discovered how strong and united my family could be.
Words that can change your life
It all started with a simple cough, which worsened into a bloody cough and ended up with a devastating diagnosis: lung cancer and 6 months of life. This was the death sentence my father had heard from his physician in 2002. (Renata, I know you have used a lot of ANDs in your beginning, but they are all OK as far as necessity goes. So, don’t worry about getting rid of them. YOu can keep them.)
At that time, he used to live in Londrina, a medium-sized city in Paraná, where he used to run a small business of his own. Many years prior to his decision to open the auto painting service shop, my father forecast the increase in the demands for quality in car-related business. Therefore, he studied the market and opened his shop in Londrina. Since his dream involved a great burden: to live alone, the loneliness and the long distance from us made him start smoking even more.
(This sentence seems so abrupt here as far as the continuation in thought from your previous sentence. It feels as if you were talking about the cancer then you switched to his professional life and then went back to the idea of the cancer again. Similar thoughts should be together in a writing piece.)
I wonder what my father’s thoughts after having received the news were. Few days prior to the medical appointment, my father called my mom, my siblings and me and he told us in a trembling voice that he was fine and probably the cough was just a severe flu. By using those words, he was trying to convince himself, more than us, that 39 years smoking hadn´t caused him any harm.
After hearing the diagnosis, it looked like all the noise around him had disappeared and a terrifying silent had taken over: he wasn’t paying any attention to what was being said by the doctor about the treatment options or the chance of improving his quality of life. Only two thoughts consumed him: his cancer and his remaining 6 months of life. On account of the fact that he could not believe in the diagnosis, he held the medical report and read those same words over and over again. His bottom lip trembled, tears welled up in his eyes and his heart started beating faster.
Although my father always knew of the risk of smoking, he had never thought it could ever happen to him. Several thoughts rushed in his mind. He was wondering the reasons why life had chosen and punished him and how he would summarize the plans for the next 30 years in just 6 months. At that exact moment, he realized that during those 39 years he had smoked, he wasted not only money, but also his life and that 39 years of pleasure does not compensate for death.
It took him some minutes to return to come back to earth and listen to the next steps the physician was explaining to him. My father envisioned a future with pain, suffering and many adverse reactions caused by the chemotherapy and radiotherapy.
After some hours of heavy pondering, my father decided to share his sadness and fear with my mom, who has always fought with the obstacles life has imposed on her with a lot of strength and courage. However, that day, not even my mother could withhold her tears.
She told my brothers and me about the diagnosis and how we should stay together to help my father deal with the news. My father would stay in São Paulo with us until the therapies started. According to plan, we would treat my father normally and would try to support him whenever he needed our help.
I could not believe in those words. I wished I was there with my dad when he received the diagnosis just to hold his hands and give him a hug. I felt guilty for not demanding my father to stop smoking or having a medical appointment earlier. I tried to find whose fault it was. Besides the fact that I blamed myself for not enjoying the time with my dad when I had the opportunity, I did not know how I would spend the only 6 months I would have with him.
Accepting the diagnosis and figuring out how the cancer would fit into our lives was challenging, mainly for my dad. When someone knows that a loved person is going to die and there are no options to offer, some people feel hopeless, useless and weak. We knew that our weaponry against the cancer would be giving my dad support, comforting words and hope. By giving him a hug or a goodnight kiss, we tried to show him that we were there to help him carry the heavy burden.
My father’s first reaction was to isolate himself from the world. He did not speak one word for a long period of time. He used to stay in the TV room all by himself and although he was looking at the TV, his eyes looked very distant. Sometimes, he spent many hours at the balcony looking at the horizon. We never knew what he was thinking of or feeling in those moments of loneliness. We did not want to interfere in his privacy, which he was entitled to. After we had noticed that my dad wanted to be on his own, we tried to live normally, but always paying attention to any signs (signs of what?) that my dad could give us.
After some months, my dad realized that coping with his own mortality and the demands of cancer meant looking closer to his personal and family values and what was important in his life. He realized that he could not struggle with the cancer alone: he decided to ask for support. First, he started asking about our day at work or commenting on a movie he had seen and afterwards he decided to show me the medical report and to talk about his diagnosis and treatment.
After facing the lung cancer for one year, my father also faced a brain cancer metastasis in 2004. He underwent lung and brain tumor removal surgeries, then chemotherapy sessions, thirty radiotherapy sessions and countless visits to his physicians. My dad’s physician had no hope to cure him and recently, he assessed my dad as cured from both cancers. The 6-month period of life was postponed for some more years.
During all these periods, we started enjoying and value every minute we had with my dad: a simple movie we saw together, a simple rice-and-beans dinner he had prepared for us, an angry complaint about the time my siblings and I got home or about our money expenses, a joke, a smile or simply being beside him on the couch.
The cancer was overcome not only by my dad, but also by all my family. We learned to look after the people we love and that staying together can make us stronger. People will only realize how much a person is important, when they discover they can lose the loved one. The words stated by the physician changed my family’s life: we have discovered how strong and united my family could be.
Renata,
This version of the paper is much richer
Rick
Words that can change your life
It all started with a simple cough, which worsened into a bloody cough and ended up with a devastating diagnosis: lung cancer and 6 months of life. This was the death sentence my father had heard from his physician in 2002.
I wonder what my father’s thoughts after having received the news were. At that time, he used to live alone in Londrina, a medium-sized city in Paraná, where he used to run a small auto painting service shop of his own. Few days prior to the medical appointment, my father called my mom, my siblings and me to tell us, in a trembling voice, that the cough was probably just a severe flu. By using those words, he tried to convince himself, more than us, that 39 years smoking hadn´t caused him any harm.
After hearing the diagnosis, it looked like all the noise around him had disappeared, a terrifying silence had taken over: he wasn’t paying any attention to what was being said by the doctor about the treatment options or the chance of improving his quality of life. Only two thoughts consumed him: his cancer and his remaining 6 months of life. On account of the fact that he could not believe in the diagnosis, he held the medical report to read those same words over and over again. His bottom lip trembled, tears welled up in his eyes and his heart started beating faster.
Although my father always knew of the risk of smoking, he had never thought it could ever happen to him. Several thoughts rushed in his mind. He wondered the reasons why life had chosen him and how he would summarize the plans for the next 30 years in just 6 months. At that exact moment, he realized that during those 39 years he had smoked, he wasted not only money, but also his life: 39 years of pleasure does not compensate for death.
It took him some minutes to come back to earth and listen to the next steps the physician was explaining to him. My father envisioned a future with pain, suffering and many adverse reactions caused by the chemotherapy and radiotherapy.
After some hours of heavy pondering, my father decided to share his sadness and fear with my mom, who has always fought with the obstacles life has imposed on her with a lot of strength and courage. However, that day, not even my mom could withhold her tears.
She told my siblings and me about the diagnosis and how we should stay together to help my father deal with the news. My father would stay in São Paulo with us until the therapies started. According to plan, we would treat my father normally, trying to support him whenever he needed our help.
I could not believe in those words. I wished I was there with my dad when he received the diagnosis just to hold his hands and give him a hug. I felt guilty for not demanding my dad to stop smoking or having a medical appointment earlier. I tried to find whose fault it was. Besides the fact that I blamed myself for not enjoying the time with my dad when I had the opportunity, I did not know how I would spend the only 6 months I would have with him.
Accepting the diagnosis and figuring out how the cancer would fit into our lives was challenging, mainly for my dad. When someone knows that a loved person will die with no available options to offer him/her, some people feel hopeless, useless and weak. We knew that our weaponry against the cancer would be giving my dad support, comforting words and hope. By giving him a hug or a goodnight kiss, we tried to show him that we could help him carry the heavy burden.
My dad’s first reaction was to isolate himself from the world. He did not speak one word for a long period of time. He used to stay in the TV room all by himself. Although he was looking at the TV, his eyes looked very distant. Sometimes, he spent many hours at the balcony looking at the horizon. We never knew what he was thinking of or feeling in those moments of loneliness. We did not want to interfere in his privacy, which he was entitled to. After we had noticed that my dad wanted to stay on his own, we tried to live normally, but always paying attention to any indirect request of help or support that my dad could make.
After some months, my dad realized that coping with his own mortality and the demands of cancer meant looking closer to his personal and family values and what was important in his life. He realized that he could not struggle with the cancer alone: he decided to ask for support. First, he started asking about our day at work or commenting on a movie he had seen; afterwards he decided to show me the medical report and to talk about his diagnosis and treatment.
After facing the lung cancer for one year, my father also faced a brain cancer metastasis in 2004. He underwent lung and brain tumor removal surgeries, ten chemotherapy sessions, thirty radiotherapy sessions and countless visits to his physicians. Even though my dad’s physician had no hope to cure him, recently, he assessed him as cured from both cancers. The 6-month period of life was postponed for some more years.
During all these periods, we started enjoying and value every minute we had with my dad: a simple movie we saw together, a simple rice-and-beans dinner he had prepared for us, an angry complaint about the time my siblings and I got home or about our money expenses, a joke, a smile or simply being beside him on the couch.
The cancer was overcome not only by my dad, but also by all my family. In addition to the fact that we learned to look after the people we love, we discovered that staying together can make us stronger. People will only realize how much a person means to them, when they discover they can lose the loved one. The words stated by the physician changed my family’s life: we have discovered how strong and united my family could be.
Words that can change your life
It all started with a simple cough, which worsened to a bloody cough and ended with a devastating diagnosis: lung cancer and 6 months of life. This was the death sentence my father heard from his physician in 2002. I wonder what my father’s thoughts were after receiving those words. At that time, he used to live in Londrina – Paraná, where he ran a business, on his own. Receiving the cancer diagnosis is already difficult; however, facing it alone, was even worse.
The first feeling might have been a mix of shock, disbelief, fear, uncertainty, sadness, anger, confusion and depression. No one is ever ready to hear they have cancer. Although my father always knew the risk of smoking, he never thought it could ever happen to him. “Why me?”, “Why didn´t I realize the symptoms earlier?”, “Why didn´t I stopped smoking many years ago?”, “How will be the treatment? Will it worth the suffering and pain?”, “What about my future plans and my dreams?”, “What can I do in 6 months?” and “How should I tell my family?”. (Renata, really, in English you should NOT be asking questions like that throughout your paper.)
The first person my father talked to was my mom. My mother is the strongest person I´ve ever seen. However, on that day, she cried. She told my brothers and me about the diagnosis and how we should stay together to help my father deal with that.
I couldn´t think rationally: I was in shock… One thousand things ran through my mind: anger, fear, disbelief and grief. “Why my father?”, “Why didn’t we demand my father to stop smoking or having a medical appointment earlier?”, “Why 6 months?”, “What should I tell him?” and specially “Why shouldn’t I spent more time with my father when I had the opportunity?”. (The same comment applies here. You should not be asking questions like that.)
Accepting the diagnosis and figuring out how the cancer would fit into our lives was challenging, mainly for my father. When you know someone you love is going to die and you can not do anything, you feel hopeless, useless and weak. (Again, you are using the second person YOU
My father’s first reaction was to isolate himself from the world. He did not speak one word for a long period of time. We did not want to interfere in his privacy, which he was entitled to. After some months, my father realized that coping with his own mortality and the demands of cancer meant looking more closely at his personal and family values and what was important in his life. He realized that he could not struggle with the cancer alone: he decided to ask for support.
After facing the lung cancer, my father also faced a brain cancer metastasis in 2004. He underwent 2 surgeries, 10 chemotherapy sessions, 30 radiotherapy sessions and countless visits to his physicians. Recently, my father was considered cured from both cancer and the 6-month period of life was postponed for some years more.
The cancer was overcome not only by my father, but also by all my family. We learned to look after the people we love and also that staying together can make us stronger. People will only realize how much a person is important in their lives, when they discover they could lose the loved one. Furthermore, we realize that your (my?) presence is also a way to show your support to the person you (I?)love.
Those words stated by the physician changed my family’s life: firstly, in a shocking, but positive way; otherwise, we would never discover how strong and united my family could be.
Content: 5 / 5
Structure: 4 / 5
Vocabulary: 5 / 5
Grammar: 5 / 5
Mechanics: 5 / 5
24 / 25
(Final version) Words that can change your life
It all started with a simple cough, which worsened into a bloody cough and ended up with a devastating diagnosis: lung cancer and 6 months of life. This was the death sentence my father had heard from his physician in 2002.
I wonder what my father’s thoughts after having received the news were. At that time, he used to live alone in Londrina, a medium-sized city in Paraná, where he used to run a small auto painting service shop of his own. Few days prior to the medical appointment, my father called my mom, my siblings and me to tell us, in a trembling voice, that the cough was probably just a severe flu. By using those words, he tried to convince himself, more than us, that 39 years smoking hadn´t caused him any harm.
After hearing the diagnosis, it looked like all the noise around him had disappeared, a terrifying silence had taken over: he wasn’t paying any attention to what was being said by the doctor about the treatment options or the chance of improving his quality of life. Only two thoughts consumed him: his cancer and his remaining 6 months of life. On account of the fact that he could not believe in the diagnosis, he held the medical report to read those same words over and over again. His bottom lip trembled, tears welled up in his eyes and his heart started beating faster.
Although my father always knew of the risk of smoking, he had never thought it could ever happen to him. Several thoughts rushed in his mind. He wondered the reasons why life had chosen him and how he would summarize the plans for the next 30 years in just 6 months. At that exact moment, he realized that during those 39 years he had smoked, he wasted not only money, but also his life: 39 years of pleasure does not compensate for death.
It took him some minutes to come back to earth and listen to the next steps the physician was explaining to him. My father envisioned a future with pain, suffering and many adverse reactions caused by the chemotherapy and radiotherapy.
After some hours of heavy pondering, my father decided to share his sadness and fear with my mom, who has always fought with the obstacles life has imposed on her with a lot of strength and courage. However, that day, not even my mom could withhold her tears.
She told my siblings and me about the diagnosis and how we should stay together to help my father deal with the news. My father would stay in São Paulo with us until the therapies started. According to plan, we would treat my father normally, trying to support him whenever he needed our help.
I could not believe in those words. I wished I was there with my dad when he received the diagnosis just to hold his hands and give him a hug. I felt guilty for not demanding my dad to stop smoking or having a medical appointment earlier. I tried to find whose fault it was. Besides the fact that I blamed myself for not enjoying the time with my dad when I had the opportunity, I did not know how I would spend the only 6 months I would have with him.
Accepting the diagnosis and figuring out how the cancer would fit into our lives was challenging, mainly for my dad. When someone knows that a loved person will die with no available options to offer him/her, some people feel hopeless, useless and weak. We knew that our weaponry against the cancer would be giving my dad support, comforting words and hope. By giving him a hug or a goodnight kiss, we tried to show him that we could help him carry the heavy burden.
My dad’s first reaction was to isolate himself from the world. He did not speak one word for a long period of time. He used to stay in the TV room all by himself. Although he was looking at the TV, his eyes looked very distant. Sometimes, he spent many hours at the balcony looking at the horizon. We never knew what he was thinking of or feeling in those moments of loneliness. We did not want to interfere in his privacy, which he was entitled to. After we had noticed that my dad wanted to stay on his own, we tried to live normally, but always paying attention to any indirect request of help or support that my dad could make.
After some months, my dad realized that coping with his own mortality and the demands of cancer meant looking closer to his personal and family values and what was important in his life. He realized that he could not struggle with the cancer alone: he decided to ask for support. First, he started asking about our day at work or commenting on a movie he had seen; afterwards he decided to show me the medical report and to talk about his diagnosis and treatment.
After facing the lung cancer for one year, my father also faced a brain cancer metastasis in 2004. He underwent lung and brain tumor removal surgeries, ten chemotherapy sessions, thirty radiotherapy sessions and countless visits to his physicians. Even though my dad’s physician had no hope to cure him, recently, he assessed him as cured from both cancers. The 6-month period of life was postponed for some more years.
During all these periods, we started enjoying and value every minute we had with my dad: a simple movie we saw together, a simple rice-and-beans dinner he had prepared for us, an angry complaint about the time my siblings and I got home or about our money expenses, a joke, a smile or simply being beside him on the couch.
The cancer was overcome not only by my dad, but also by all my family. In addition to the fact that we learned to look after the people we love, we discovered that staying together can make us stronger. People will only realize how much a person means to them, when they discover they can lose the loved one. The words stated by the physician changed my family’s life: we have discovered how strong and united my family could be.
Words that can change your life
It all started with a simple cough, which worsened into a bloody cough and ended up with a devastating diagnosis: lung cancer and 6 months of life. This was the death sentence my father had heard from his physician in 2002.
I wonder what my father’s thoughts after having received the news were. At that time, he used to live alone in Londrina, a medium-sized city in Paraná, where he used to run a small auto painting service shop of his own. Few days prior to the medical appointment, my father called my mom, my siblings and me to tell us, in a trembling voice, that the cough was probably just a severe flu. By using those words, he tried to convince himself, more than us, that 39 years smoking hadn´t caused him any harm.
After hearing the diagnosis, it looked like all the noise around him had disappeared, a terrifying silence had taken over: he wasn’t paying any attention to what was being said by the doctor about the treatment options or the chance of improving his quality of life. Only two thoughts consumed him: his cancer and his remaining 6 months of life. On account of the fact that he could not believe in the diagnosis, he held the medical report to read those same words over and over again. His bottom lip trembled, tears welled up in his eyes and his heart beating faster.
Although my father always knew of the risk of smoking, he had never thought it could ever happen to him. Several thoughts rushed in his mind. He wondered the reasons why life had chosen him and how he would summarize the plans for the next 30 years in just 6 months. At that exact moment, he realized that during those 39 years he had smoked, he wasted not only money, but also his life: 39 years of pleasure does not compensate for death.
It took him some minutes to come back to earth and listen to the next steps the physician was explaining to him. My father envisioned a future with pain, suffering and many adverse reactions caused by the chemotherapy and radiotherapy.
After some hours of heavy pondering, my father decided to share his sadness and fear with my mom, who has always fought with the obstacles life has imposed on her with a lot of strength and courage. However, that day, not even my mom could withhold her tears.
She told my siblings and me about the diagnosis and how we should stay together to help my father deal with the news. My father would stay in São Paulo with us until the therapies started. According to plan, we would treat my father normally, trying to support him whenever he needed our help.
I could not believe in those words. I wished I was there with my dad when he received the diagnosis just to hold his hands and give him a hug. I felt guilty for not demanding my dad to stop smoking or having a medical appointment earlier. I tried to find whose fault it was. Besides the fact that I blamed myself for not enjoying the time with my dad when I had the opportunity, I did not know how I would spend the only 6 months I would have with him.
Accepting the diagnosis and figuring out how the cancer would fit into our lives was challenging, mainly for my dad. When someone knows that a loved person will die with no available options to offer him/her, some people feel hopeless, useless and weak. We knew that our weaponry against the cancer would be giving my dad support, comforting words and hope. By giving him a hug or a goodnight kiss, we tried to show him that we could help him carry the heavy burden.
My dad’s first reaction was to isolate himself from the world. He did not speak one word for a long period of time. He used to stay in the TV room all by himself. Although he was looking at the TV, his eyes looked very distant. Sometimes, he spent many hours at the balcony looking at the horizon. We never knew what he was thinking of or feeling in those moments of loneliness. We did not want to interfere in his privacy, which he was entitled to. After we had noticed that my dad wanted to stay on his own, we tried to live normally, but always paying attention to any indirect request of help or support that my dad could make.
After some months, my dad realized that coping with his own mortality and the demands of cancer meant looking closer to his personal and family values and what was important in his life. He realized that he could not struggle with the cancer alone: he decided to ask for support. First, he started asking about our day at work or commenting on a movie he had seen; afterwards he decided to show me the medical report and to talk about his diagnosis and treatment.
After facing the lung cancer for one year, my father also faced a brain cancer metastasis in 2004. He underwent lung and brain tumor removal surgeries, ten chemotherapy sessions, thirty radiotherapy sessions and countless visits to his physicians. Even though my dad’s physician had no hope to cure him, recently, he assessed him as cured from both cancers. The 6-month period of life was postponed for some more years.
During all these periods, we started enjoying and value every minute we had with my dad: a simple movie we saw together, a simple rice-and-beans dinner he had prepared for us, an angry complaint about the time my siblings and I got home or about our money expenses, a joke, a smile or simply being beside him on the couch.
The cancer was overcome not only by my dad, but also by all my family. In addition to the fact that we learned to look after the people we love, we discovered that staying together can make us stronger. People will only realize how much a person means to them, when they discover they can lose the loved one. The words stated by the physician changed my family’s life: we have discovered how strong and united my family could be.
Content: 5 / 5
Structure: 5 / 5
Vocabulary: 5 / 5
Grammar: 5 / 5
Mechanics: 5 / 5
Total: 25 / 25