An unforgetable night
August 17, 2008It was July, 2005, and I was in Bournemouth, south of England, spending a month to study the country language. I was on a big group, with 30 friends and a teacher.
One day, my friens and I were in a disco, named Opera House, the most famous disco of the town. The night was incredible, the music was amazing and the company was awsome. We danced and swinged a lot the ecletic hits of black music, eletronic, psy, and even Brazilian ones, such as Ivete Sangalo and Banda Eva. We also tried the variety of drinks and mixes of a foreign country. We met different people from other cultures and also made new friends. We enjoyed each second and we didn’t want to go home, because everything and all the details were new. However, as we were staying in host family, the mothers had imposed that we should be at home at 2:00.
When we went out, it was windy and raining a lot, and we needed to get a taxi. So, tried to look for some cabs, but we couldn’t find anyone. Our clothes were totally wet and we were kind of lost. Seeing our situation, a strange man came trough our direction. He seemed to be 30 years old and his accent seemed to be from the arabia. His face wasn’t unkown, because he was also the disco. He wanted to know if we needed a taxi, and asked one for us, because he had the number of the taxi center.
While we were there waiting , we stared to talk with the strange man. So, the taxi arrived and my friends and I entered in it. However, suddenlly, the muslin man oppened the doors car, asking if he could go with us, due to his house was in the way of ours. At this moment , we felt something strange, since he didn’t know where we lived. But he begged a lot, and we agreed. In the way home he wanted to know all about our lives, such as where do we live, and what do we do. I was so nervous and frightened, that I wanted to arrive the fastest in my house, because it was the nearest one of the disco. About 15 minuts had passsed, and arrived home.When I left the car, I saw that the odd man also had dropped out it. He began to follow and then I asked:
” What are you doing here?”.
“I want to stay with you!”. The strange man added. This tme, my heart went out of my mouth . He was totally crazy. Fortunatly, the cab was in front of my house, waiting this scene to finish. I said to him that he should go home and to leave me alone, because if he didn’t I would call the police. Finally, he agreed , but he wnated to know where my school was, because he was going to wait me in front of the school gate the day after. Of course, I lied to him the name of my school. As result, he went away.
So, my parents have always taught me not to talk with strangers ,that I have to be aware, avoid being innocent, because part of the word is made of strange , psycopatic and bad people. I never cared a lot about this advices until this incident happen. Now I understand their worries, I see that we are vunerable beens and that something worse could have happened at that night.
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It was July, 2005, and I was in Bournemouth, south of England, spending a month to study the country language. I was on a big group(did you go with your school here in brasil?), with 30 friends and a teacher.
One day, my friens and I were in a disco, named Opera House(what was it like?), the most famous disco of the town. The night was incredible, the music was amazing and the company was awsome. We danced and swinged a lot the ecletic hits of black music, eletronic, psy, and even Brazilian ones, such as Ivete Sangalo and Banda Eva. We also tried the variety of drinks and mixes of a foreign country(what kind of drinks?). We met different people from other cultures(what cultures?) and also made new friends. We enjoyed each second and we didn’t want to go home, because everything and all the details(what details?) were new. However, as we were staying in host family, the mothers had imposed that we should be at home at 2:00.
When we went out, it was windy and raining a lot, and we needed to get a taxi. So,(we?)tried to look for some cabs, but we couldn’t find anyone. Our clothes were totally wet and we were kind of lost. Seeing(watching?) our situation, a strange man came trough(through?) our direction. He seemed to be 30 years old and his accent seemed to be from the arabia. His face wasn’t unkown, because he was also (at?) the disco. He wanted to know if we needed a taxi, and asked one for us, because he had the number (of the) taxi center.
While we were there waiting , we stared to talk with the strange man. So, the taxi arrived and my friends and I entered in it. However, suddenlly, the muslin man oppened the doors car, asking if he could go with us, due to his house was in the way of ours. At this moment , we felt something strange(maybe weird?), since he didn’t know where we lived. But he begged a lot, and we agreed. In the way home he wanted to know all about our lives, such as where do we live, and what do we do. I was so nervous and frightened, that I wanted to arrive the fastest in my house, because it was the nearest one of the disco. About 15 minuts had passsed, and I arrived home.When I left the car, I saw that the odd man also had dropped out it. He began to follow me and then I asked:
” What are you doing here?”.
“I want to stay(be?) with you!”. The strange man added. This time, my heart went out of my mouth . He was totally crazy. Fortunatly, the cab was in front of my house, waiting this scene to finish. I said to him that he should go home and to leave me alone, because if he didn’t I would call the police. Finally, he agreed , but he wanted to know where my school was, because he was going to wait me in front of the school’s gate the day after. Of course, I lied to him the name of my school. As result, he went away.
So, my parents have always taught me not to talk with strangers ,that I have to be aware, avoid being innocent, because part of the word is made of strange , psycopatic and bad people. I never cared a lot about this advices until this incident happen. Now I understand their worries, I see that we are vunerable beens and that something worse could have happened at that night.
It was July, 2005, I was in Bournemouth, south of England, spending a month to study the country language. I was on a big group, with 30 friends and a teacher.
One day, my friens and I were in a disco, named Opera House, the most famous disco of the town. The night was incredible, the music was amazing and the company was awsome. We danced and swinged a lot the ecletic hits of black music, eletronic, psy, and even Brazilian ones, such as Ivete Sangalo and Banda Eva. We also tried the variety of drinks and mixes of a foreign country. We met different people from other cultures and also made new friends. We enjoyed each second and we didn’t want to go home, because everything and all the details were new. However, as we were staying in host family, the mothers had imposed that we should be at home at 2:00.
When we went out, it was windy and raining a lot, and we needed to get a taxi. So,we tried to look for some cabs, but we couldn’t find any. Our clothes were totally wet and we were kind of lost. Seeing our situation, a strange man came through our direction. He seemed to be 30 years old and his accent seemed to be from the arabia. His face wasn’t unkown, because he was also the disco. He wanted to know if we needed a taxi, and asked one for us, because he had the number o taxi center.
While we were there waiting , we stared to talk with the mysterious man. The taxi arrived, my friends and I entered in it. However, suddenlly, the muslin man oppened the cars door , asking if he could go with us, due to his house was in the way of ours. At this moment , we felt something strange, since he didn’t know where we lived. But he begged a lot, and we agreed. In the way home he wanted to know all about our lives, such as where did we live, and what did we do. I was so nervous and frightened, that I wanted to arrive the fastest in my house, because it was the nearest one of the disco. About 15 minuts had passsed, and I arrived home.When I left the car, I saw that the odd man had also dropped out it. He began to trail me and then I asked:
” What are you doing here?”.
“I want to stay with you!”.
The weird man added. This tme, my heart went out of my mouth . He was totally crazy. Fortunatly, the cab was in front of my house, waiting this scene to finish.I said to him that he should go home and to leave me alone, because if he didn’t I would call the police. Finally, he concured , but he wanted to know where my school was, because he was going to met me in front of the schools gate the day after. Of course, I lied to him the name of my school. As result, he went away.
In conclusion, my parents have always taught me not to talk with strangers ,that I have to be aware, avoid being innocent, because part of the word is made of strange , psycopatic and bad people. I never cared a lot about this advices until this incident happen. Now, I understand their worries,see that we are vunerable beens and that something worse could have happened at that night.
It was July, 2005, I was in Bournemouth, south of England, spending a month to study the country language. I was on a big group, with 30 friends and a teacher.
One day, my friens and I were in a disco, named Opera House, the most famous disco of the town. The night was incredible, the music was amazing and the company was awsome. We danced and swinged a lot the ecletic hits of black music, eletronic, psy, and even Brazilian ones, such as Ivete Sangalo and Banda Eva. We also tried the variety of drinks and mixes of a foreign country. We met different people from other cultures and also made new friends. We enjoyed each second and we didn’t want to go home, because everything and all the details were new. However, as we were staying in host family, the mothers had imposed that we should be at home at 2:00.
When we went out, it was windy and rainning a lot, and we needed to get a taxi. So,we tried to look for some cabs, but we couldn’t find any. Our clothes were totally wet and we were kind of lost. Seeing our situation, a strange man came through our direction. He seemed to be 30 years old and his accent seemed to be from the arabia. His face wasn’t unkown, because he was also the disco. He wanted to know if we needed a taxi, and asked one for us, because he had the number o taxi center.
While we were there waiting , we started to talk with the mysterious man. The taxi arrived, my friends and I entered in it. However, suddenlly, the muslin man oppened the cars door , asking if he could go with us, due to his house was in the way of ours. At this moment , we felt something strange, since he didn’t know where we lived. But he begged a lot, and we agreed. In the way home he wanted to know all about our lives, such as where did we live, and what did we do. I was so nervous and frightened, that I wanted to arrive the fastest in my house, because it was the nearest one of the disco. About 15 minuts had passsed, and I arrived home.When I left the car, I saw that the odd man had also dropped out it. He began to trail me and then I quetioned:
” What are you doing here?”.
“I want to stay with you!”. He added, with a hoarse voice.
This tme, my heart went out of my mouth . He was totally crazy. Fortunatly, the cab had remained in front of my house, waiting this scene to finish.I said to him that he should go home and to leave me alone, because if he didn’t I would call the police. Finally, he concured , but he wanted to know where my school was, because he was going to met me in front of the schools gate the day after. Of course, I lied to him the name of my school. As result, he went away.
In conclusion, my parents have always taught me not to talk with strangers ,that I have to be aware, avoid being innocent, because part of the word is made of strange , psycopatic and bad people. I never cared a lot about this advices until this incident happen. Now, I understand their worries,see that we are vunerable beens and that something worse could have happened at that night.
(Samia, you asked me in class how to reduce the number of verb to be and here is how to. Compare this first sentence with your original one.)
In July of 2005, I spent a month in Bournemouth, south of England, studying English with a big group of 30 friends and a teacher. (I was able to get rid of almost 5 verb to be by combining sentences
One day, my friends and I were at a disco named Opera House, the most famous disco in town. The night was incredible (Hummm, you don’t need to TELL us that the night was incredible. You need to SHOW us that.), the music was amazing (careful not to use abstract adjectives such as incredible and amazing, because the reader is left without a clear notion of how amazing and incredible your experience was.) and the company was awesome (Same comments here. You need to SHOW how awesome the company was).
We danced a lot to the ecletic hits of Black music, eletronic, psy, and even Brazilian ones, such as Ivete Sangalo and Banda Eva. (This is excellent, because it gives the reader a clearer idea of how your night was.) We also tried the variety of drinks and mixes of a foreign country (Hummm … you need to provide names, … something like… We also had the chance to get a taste of Caipinha, a traditional Brazilian drink at the quiosk in the middle of Copacabana beach.)
We also met different people from other cultures and also made new friends (If you decide to keep this idea, Samia, you will have to provide an example of one of the people you have met and also how you have become friends. In English, Samia, you cannot simply mention a thought. You need to SHOW us in details how this event took place. You have the option of stating the event and exploring it in excrutiating details, or not to mention it at all. What you cannot do in English is to mention an idea without further exploring it.)
We enjoyed each second of it and didn’t want to go home, because everything and all the details were new (Again, Samia, you have remained at a very general description, without enriching your text with specific details about that night that would make THAT SPECIFIC NIGHT so special to you.)
However, as we were all staying in host families, the mothers had imposed that we be home by 2:00 a.m.(How is this information important to the rest of your story?)
When we went out, it was windy and raining a lot, and we needed to get a taxi. So, (careful with SO. It is veru weak, equivalent to DAI in Portuguese.) we tried to look for some cabs, but we couldn’t find any. Our clothes were totally wet and we were kind of lost. (Again, you could try some sentence combinations to get rid of the excess of verb to be. Something like: Wet and lost, we stared at each other in silence).
Seeing our situation (strange beginning of the sentence), a strange man (how strange was he?) came through (how did he come? Running? Limping? Dashing?) our direction. He seemed to be 30 years old and his accent seemed to be from the arabia. His face wasn’t unkown, because he was also at the disco. (Samia, try some sentence combination here to avoid so many verb to be).
He wanted to know if we needed a taxi, and asked one for us, because he had the number of the taxi center.
While we were there waiting, we started to talk with the mysterious man. (About what? What did he say? I believe you need to offer more specific examples of this talk with him) When the taxi arrived, my friends and I got in. (Did you say good bye to the guy? Samia, you seem to be rushing your narrative a bit without providing enough details of each moment of your experience.)
However, the weirdo opened the car door, asking if he could come with us since his house was on the way to ours. At that moment, we felt something strange (again, you are telling and not showing. Avoid the use of any words that contain the word THING in it. It is too vague), since he didn’t know where we lived. But he begged a lot and we agreed. On the way home, he wanted to know all about our lives, such as where we lived and what we did (What do you mean?).
I was so nervous and frightened (Samia, you are telling and not showing. You should say something like, “my legs trembled all the way through the short journey, my hands covered in sweat.” This would SHOW how nervous you were) I could not wait to reach my home because it was the nearest one from the disco. About 15 minutes had gone by, and I arrived home. (And SHOW US how you felt when you arrived home, like, “as soon as the taxi pulled over, I grabbed the handle with all my strength as a way to free myself from such a dreadful situation”
When I left the car, I noticed that the odd man had also come out it. He began to follow me and then I questioned him,
” What are you doing here?”
“I want to stay with you!” He added in a hoarse voice.
At that time, my heart pumped out of my mouth . He was totally crazy (Again, you are TELLING us and not SHOWING us). Fortunatly, the cab had remained parked in front of my house, waiting for this scene to finish. I told him that he should go home and to leave me alone, because if he didn’t, I would call the police.
Finally, he agreed, but he wanted to know where my school was, because he was going to meet me in front of the schools gate the day after.
Of course, I lied to him about the name of my school. As result, he went away (disappointed? happy? hopeful? You will need to SHOW us that, like “satisfied with the answer, he strolled home whispering a love song).
My parents have always taught me not to talk with strangers, and that I have to be aware, and avoid being innocent, because part of the world is made of strange, psychopathic people. I never cared a lot about this advice until this incident happenned. Now, I understand their worries, and see that we are vunerable beings and that something worse (avoid vague words like something and worse) could have happened that night.
Samia,
Have you ever thought about the fact that maybe that kind of behavior is normal in that kind of a culture and that maybe women from his culture would not have been scared, but actually flattered with such a wooing act from him?
In July of 2005, I spent a month in Bournemouth, south of England, studying English with a big group of 30 friends and a teacher.
One day, my friends and I were at a disco named Opera House, the most famous disco in town. The night was incredible (Hummm, you don’t need to TELL us that the night was incredible. You need to SHOW us that.), the music was amazing (careful not to use abstract adjectives such as incredible and amazing, because the reader is left without a clear notion of how amazing and incredible your experience was.) and the company was awesome, because we have met different people of other cultures, such as Germany, Spain,USA and France, besides of having the best company, my laughable brazilian friends.
We danced a lot to the ecletic hits of Black music, eletronic, psy, and even Brazilian ones, such as Ivete Sangalo and Banda Eva.We also tried the variety of drinks and mixes of a foreign country (Hummm … you need to provide names, … something like… We also had the chance to get a taste of Caipinha, a traditional Brazilian drink at the quiosk in the middle of Copacabana beach.)
We also met different people from other cultures and also made new friends (If you decide to keep this idea, Samia, you will have to provide an example of one of the people you have met and also how you have become friends. In English, Samia, you cannot simply mention a thought. You need to SHOW us in details how this event took place. You have the option of stating the event and exploring it in excrutiating details, or not to mention it at all. What you cannot do in English is to mention an idea without further exploring it.)
We enjoyed each second of it and didn’t want to go home, because everything and all the details were new, since being in an European country from dancing distinc musics, observing foreign people ways of dancing and also meeting unforgetable figures.
However, as we were all staying in host families, the mothers had imposed that we be home by 2:00 a.m.
Although this time was coming, we didn’t want to go home sleep,and wake up at 7:30 for the English text the day after.
When we went out, it was windy and raining a lot, and we needed to get a taxi. We looked for some cabs, but we couldn’t find any. Wet and lost, we stared at each other in silence.
After staring at us for a while, a strange man walked with calm stpes in our direction.seemed to be from the arabia. His face wasn’t unkown, because he was also at the disco. (Samia, try some sentence combination here to avoid so many verb to be).
He wanted to know if we needed a taxi, and asked one for us, because he had the number of the taxi center.
While we were there waiting, we started to talk with the mysterious man. (About what? What did he say? I believe you need to offer more specific examples of this talk with him) When the taxi arrived, my friends and I got in. (Did you say good bye to the guy? Samia, you seem to be rushing your narrative a bit without providing enough details of each moment of your experience.)
However, the weirdo opened the car door, asking if he could come with us since his house was on the way to ours. At that moment, we felt something strange (again, you are telling and not showing. Avoid the use of any words that contain the word THING in it. It is too vague), since he didn’t know where we lived. But he begged a lot and we agreed. On the way home, he wanted to know all about our lives, such as where we lived and what we did (What do you mean?).
I was so nervous and frightened (Samia, you are telling and not showing. You should say something like, “my legs trembled all the way through the short journey, my hands covered in sweat.” This would SHOW how nervous you were) I could not wait to reach my home because it was the nearest one from the disco. About 15 minutes had gone by, and I arrived home. (And SHOW US how you felt when you arrived home, like, “as soon as the taxi pulled over, I grabbed the handle with all my strength as a way to free myself from such a dreadful situation”
When I left the car, I noticed that the odd man had also come out it. He began to follow me and then I questioned him,
” What are you doing here?”
“I want to stay with you!” He added in a hoarse voice.
At that time, my heart pumped out of my mouth . He was totally crazy (Again, you are TELLING us and not SHOWING us). Fortunatly, the cab had remained parked in front of my house, waiting for this scene to finish. I told him that he should go home and to leave me alone, because if he didn’t, I would call the police.
Finally, he agreed, but he wanted to know where my school was, because he was going to meet me in front of the schools gate the day after.
Of course, I lied to him about the name of my school. As result, he went away (disappointed? happy? hopeful? You will need to SHOW us that, like “satisfied with the answer, he strolled home whispering a love song).
My parents have always taught me not to talk with strangers, and that I have to be aware, and avoid being innocent, because part of the world is made of strange, psychopathic people. I never cared a lot about this advice until this incident happenned. Now, I understand their worries, and see that we are vunerable beings and that something worse (avoid vague words like something and worse) could have happened that night.
Samia,
Have you ever thought about the fact that maybe that kind of behavior is normal in that kind of a culture and that maybe women from his culture would not have been scared, but actually flattered with such a wooing act from him?
In July of 2005, I spent a month in Bournemouth, south of England, studying English with a big group of 30 friends and a teacher.
One day, my friends and I were at a disco named Opera House, the most famous disco in town. The night was incredible (Hummm, you don’t need to TELL us that the night was incredible. You need to SHOW us that.), the music was amazing (careful not to use abstract adjectives such as incredible and amazing, because the reader is left without a clear notion of how amazing and incredible your experience was.) and the company was awesome, because we have met different people from other cultures, such as Germany, Spain,USA and France, besides of having the best company, my laughable brazilian friends.
We danced a lot to the ecletic hits of Black music, eletronic, psy, and even Brazilian ones, such as Ivete Sangalo and Banda Eva.We also tried the variety of drinks and mixes of a foreign country (Hummm … you need to provide names, … something like… We also had the chance to get a taste of Caipinha, a traditional Brazilian drink at the quiosk in the middle of Copacabana beach.)
We enjoyed each second of it and didn’t want to go home, because everything and all the details were new, since being in an European country from dancing distinc musics, observing foreign people ways of dancing and also meeting unforgetable figures.
However, as we were all staying in host families, the mothers had imposed that we be home by 2:00 a.m.
Although this time was coming, we didn’t want to go home sleep,and wake up at 7:30 for the English text the day after.
When we went out, we colud hear the blew of the wind and feel the how strong and cold the rain was. Besides, we needed to get a taxi. Although we looked for some cabs, we couldn’t find any. Wet and lost, we stared at each other in silence.
After staring at us for a while, a strange man walked with calm and big steps through our direction. He looked to be 30 years old and seemed to come from arabia. His face wasn’t unkown, because he was also at the disco, where he couldn´t stpo glancing to me and my friends.
He wanted to know if we needed a taxi, and asked one for us, because he had the number of the taxi center.
While we were there waiting, we started to talk with the mysterious man. he asked about our trip, such as if we were alone or with a school group and if we were enjoyind our estate in England. When the taxi arrived ,we said good bye to the arabic man,and I got in it.
However, the weirdo opened the car door, asking if he could come with us since his house was on the way to ours. At that moment, we felt strange (again, you are telling and not showing. Avoid the use of any words that contain the word THING in it. It is too vague), since he didn’t know where we lived. But he begged a lot and we agreed. On the way home, he wanted to know all about our lives, such as where we lived and what we did (What do you mean?).
I was so nervous and frightened (Samia, you are telling and not showing. You should say something like, “my legs trembled all the way through the short journey, my hands covered in sweat.” This would SHOW how nervous you were) I could not wait to reach my home because it was the nearest one from the disco. About 15 minutes had gone by, and I arrived home. (And SHOW US how you felt when you arrived home, like, “as soon as the taxi pulled over, I grabbed the handle with all my strength as a way to free myself from such a dreadful situation”
When I left the car, I noticed that the odd man had also come out it. He began to follow me and then I questioned him,
” What are you doing here?”
“I want to stay with you!” He added in a hoarse voice.
At that time, my heart pumped out of my mouth . He was totally crazy (Again, you are TELLING us and not SHOWING us). Fortunatly, the cab had remained parked in front of my house, waiting for this scene to finish. I told him that he should go home and to leave me alone, because if he didn’t, I would call the police.
Finally, he agreed, but he wanted to know where my school was, because he was going to meet me in front of the schools gate the day after.
Of course, I lied to him about the name of my school. As result, he went away (disappointed? happy? hopeful? You will need to SHOW us that, like “satisfied with the answer, he strolled home whispering a love song).
My parents have always taught me not to talk with strangers, and that I have to be aware, and avoid being innocent, because part of the world is made of strange, psychopathic people. I never cared a lot about this advice until this incident happenned. Now, I understand their worries, and see that we are vunerable beings and that something worse (avoid vague words like something and worse) could have happened that night.
Samia,
Have you ever thought about the fact that maybe that kind of behavior is normal in that kind of a culture and that maybe women from his culture would not have been scared, but actually flattered with such a wooing act from him?
In July of 2005, I spent a month in Bournemouth, a medium beach city in the south of England, studying English with a big group of 30 friends and a teacher.
One day, my friends and I were at a disco named Opera House, the most famous disco in town. The Opera house’s decoration was totaly different from the discos in Brazil. It’s form was simply an opera with distincts spots, each one with a specific type of music, and colored sparks of lights.The company was awesome, because we have met different people from other cultures, such as Germany, Spain,USA and France, besides of having the best company, my laughable brazilian friends.
We danced a lot to the ecletic hits of Black music, eletronic, psy, and even Brazilian ones, such as Ivete Sangalo and Banda Eva.We also tried the variety of drinks and mixes of a foreign country, such as Mojito, blood mary , sandria and also had the chance to get a taste of Caipinha, a traditional Brazilian drink at the quiosk in the middle of Copacabana beach.
We enjoyed each second of it and didn’t want to go home, because all the details were new, since being in an European country from dancing distinc musics, observing foreign people ways of dancing and also meeting unforgetable figures.
However, as we were all staying in host families, the host mothers had imposed that we should be home by 2:00 a.m.
Although this time was coming, we didn’t want to go home sleep,and consequently wake up at 7:30 for the English text the day after.
When we went out, we could hear the blew of the wind and feel how strong and cold the rain was. Besides, we needed to get a taxi. Although we looked for some cabs, we couldn’t find any. Wet and lost, we stared at each other in silence.
After staring at us for a while, a strange man strode through our direction. He looked to be 30 years old and seemed to come from arabia, because of his skin color, hair and his nose was bit sink.His face wasn’t unkown, because he was also at the disco, where he couldn´t stop glancing at me and my group.
He wanted to know if we needed a taxi, and asked one for us, because he had the number of the taxi center.
While we were there waiting, we started to talk with the mysterious man. He asked about our trip, such as if we were alone or with a school group, and if we were enjoying our estate in England. When the taxi arrived ,we said good bye to the arabic man,and got in it.
However, the weirdo opened the car’s door, asking if he could come with us since his house was on the way to ours. At that moment, he didn’t add us up because he didn’t know where our house were. However, after pledging a lot, we agreed. On the way home, he wanted to know all about our lives, such as where we lived and what did we do in our country and so forth.
I was so nervous and frightened that,my legs trembled all the way through the short journey and my hands covered in sweat .I couldn’t wait to reach my home because it was the nearest one from the disco. About 15 minutes had gone by, and then I arrived home.As soon as the taxi pulled over, I grabbed the handle with all my strength as a way to free myself from such a dreadful situation.
When I left the car, I noticed that the odd man had also come out it. He began to follow me and then I questioned him with a shoked voice what he was doing there . Then ,he asked in a hoarse voice if he could stay with me . At this time, my heart pumped out of my mouth and I became so incesed,that I aswered him if he was out of his mind, and denied his question.
Fortunatly, the cab had remained parked in front of my house, waiting for this scene to finish.After all, I told him that he should go home and leave me alone, because if he didn’t, I would call the police.
Finally, he agreed, but he wanted to know where my school was, because he was going to meet me in front of the school’s gate the day after.
Of course, I lied to him about the name of my school. As result, he went away hopeful , because he had really believed that he was going to see me the day after in the school.
My parents have always taught me not to talk with strangers, that I have to be aware, and avoid being innocent, because part of the world is made of odd and psychopathic people. I never cared a lot about this advice until this incident happenned. Now, I understand their worries, see that we are vunerable beings and that I was an easy target that night and forntunatly which hasn’t been targed.
Have you ever thought about the fact that maybe that kind of behavior is normal in that kind of a culture and that maybe women from his culture would not have been scared, but actually flattered with such a wooing act from him?
In July of 2005, I spent a month in Bournemouth, a medium-sized beach city in the south of England, studying English with a big group of 30 friends and a teacher. One day, my friends and I went to a disco named Opera House, the most famous disco in town. The Opera house’s decoration was totaly different from the discos in Brazil. It’s form was simply an opera house with distincts spots, each one with a specific type of music and colorful sparks of lights. The company was awesome, because we had met different people from other cultures, such as Germany, Spain, the USA and France.
We danced a lot to the ecletic hits of Black music, eletronic, psy, and even Brazilian ones, such as Ivete Sangalo and Banda Eva. We also tried the variety of drinks and mixes of a foreign country, such as Mojito, blood mary, sangria. We also had the chance to get a taste of Caipinha, a traditional Brazilian drink at the quiosk in the middle of Copacabana beach (Copacabana? But I thought you were in London?).
We enjoyed each second of it and didn’t want to go home, because all the details were new, from the fact of being in an European country to dancing distinct types of music, and observing foreign people dance and also meeting unforgetable people.
However, as we were all staying in host families, the host mothers had imposed that we should be home by 2:00 a.m. Although this time was coming, we didn’t want to go home sleep, and consequently wake up at 7:30 for the English test the day after. When we went out, we could hear the blow of the wind and feel how strong and cold the rain was.
Despite all the fun, we needed to get a taxi. Although we looked for some cabs, we couldn’t find any. Wet and lost, we stared at each other in silence. After obeserving us for a while, a strange man strode towards us. He looked about 30 years old and seemed to come from Arabia, because of his skin color, hair and his sunken nose. His face wasn’t unknown because he was also at the disco, where he wouldn´t stop glancing at me and my group.
He wanted to know if we needed a taxi and asked one for us, because he had the number of the taxi center.
While we were there waiting, we started to talk with the mysterious man. He asked about our trip, such as if we were alone or with a school group, and if we were enjoying our stay in England. When the taxi arrived (arrived where?), we said good bye to the Arabian man and got in it.
However, the weirdo opened the car door, asking if he could come with us since his house was on the way to ours. At that moment, he didn’t add us up (What do you mean?) because he didn’t know where our house were. However, after pledging a lot, we agreed on it. On the way home, he wanted to know all about our lives, such as where we lived and what we did in our country and so forth. (Samia, be careful with the repetition of words like SUCH AS.)
I was so nervous and frightened that my legs trembled all the way through the short journey to my host family’s house, my hands covered in sweat. I couldn’t wait to reach home because it was the nearest one from the disco. About 15 minutes had gone by. As soon as the taxi pulled over, I grabbed the handle with all my strength as a way to free myself from such a dreadful situation.
When I left the car, I noticed that the odd man had also come out it. He began to follow me and then I questioned him in a shocked voice what he was doing there (there where?). Then (weak connector), he asked in a hoarse voice if he could spend the night with me. At that moment, my heart pumped out of my mouth leaving me incensed. I told him if he was out of his mind, and denied his indecent proposal.
Fortunately, the cab had remained parked in front of my house, waiting for this scene to come to an end. After all, I told him that he should go home and leave me alone, because if he didn’t, I would call the police. Finally, he agreed, but he wanted to know where my school was because he was going to meet me in front of the school’s gate the day after.
Of course, I lied to him. As result, he went away hopeful , because he had really believed that he was going to see me the day after at school.
My parents have always taught me not to talk to strangers, that I have to be aware, and avoid being innocent, because part of the world is made of odd and psychopathic people. I never cared a lot about this piece of advice until this incident happenned. Now, I understand their worries, and see that we are vunerable beings and that I was an easy target that night and fortunately which hasn’t been targed (What do you mean by the this last part of the sentence?)
Samia,
This is a much clearer version of your story. The next step is for you to work on your language. I recommend you try to cut down on your use of the words AND and all forms of the VERB BE.
Rick
Have you ever thought about the fact that maybe that kind of behavior is normal in that kind of a culture and that maybe women from his culture would not have been scared, but actually flattered with such a wooing act from him?
In July of 2005, I spent a month in Bournemouth, a medium-sized beach city in the south of England, studying English with a big group of 30 friends and a teacher. One day, my friends and I went to a disco named Opera House, the most famous disco in town. The Opera house’s decoration was totaly different from the discos in Brazil. It’s form was simply an opera house with distincts spots, each one with a specific type of music and colorful sparks of lights. The company was awesome, because we had met different people from other cultures, from Germany, Spain,USA, to France.
We danced a lot to the ecletic hits of Black music, eletronic, psy, and even Brazilian ones, such as Ivete Sangalo and Banda Eva. We also tried the variety of drinks and mixes of a foreign country, such as Mojito, blood mary, sangria.
We enjoyed each second of it and didn’t want to go home, because all the details were new, from the fact of being in an European country to dancing distinct types of music, and observing foreign people dance and also meeting unforgetable people.
However, as we were all staying in host families, the host mothers had imposed that we should be home by 2:00 a.m. Although this time had came, we didn’t want to go home sleep, and consequently wake up at 7:30 for the English test the day after. When we went out, we could hear the blow of the wind and feel how strong and cold the rain was.
Despite all the fun, we needed to get a taxi. Even though we looked for some cabs, we couldn’t find any. Wet and lost, we stared at each other in silence. After obeserving us for a while, a strange man strode towards us. He looked about 30 years old and seemed to come from Arabia, because of his skin color, hair and his sunken nose. His face wasn’t unknown because he was also at the disco, where he wouldn´t stop glancing at me and my group.
He wanted to know if we needed a taxi and asked one for us, because he had the number of the taxi center.
While we were there waiting, we started to talk with the mysterious man. He asked about our trip,if we were alone or with a school group, and if we were enjoying our stay in England. When the taxi arrived in fron tof the disco, we said good bye to the Arabian man and got in it.
However, the weirdo opened the car door, asking if he could come with us since his house was on the way to ours. At that moment, he didn’t convince us, because he didn’t know where our house were. However, after pledging a lot, we agreed on it. On the way home, he wanted to know where we lived ,what we did in our country and so forth.
I was so nervous and frightened that my legs trembled all the way through the short journey to my host family’s house, my hands covered in sweat. I couldn’t wait to reach home because it was the nearest one from the disco. About 15 minutes had gone by. As soon as the taxi pulled over, I grabbed the handle with all my strength as a way to free myself from such a dreadful situation.
When I left the car, I noticed that the odd man had also come out it. When he began to follow me ,I questioned him in a shocked voice what he was doing behind me. As a response, he asked in a hoarse voice if he could spend the night with me. At that moment, my heart pumped out of my mouth leaving me incensed. I told him if he was out of his mind, and denied his indecent proposal.
Fortunately, the cab had remained parked in front of my house, waiting for this scene to come to an end. After all, I told him that he should go home ,leave me alone, because if he didn’t, I would call the police. Finally he agreed, but he wanted to know where my school was because he was going to meet me in front of the school’s gate the day after.
Of course, I lied to him. As result, he went away hopeful , because he had really believed that he was going to see me the day after at school.
My parents have always taught me not to talk to strangers, that I have to be aware, avoid being innocent and naive, because part of the world is made of odd and psychopathic people. I never cared a lot about this piece of advice until this incident happenned. Now, I understand their worries, see that we are vunerable beings and that I was an easy target that night and fortunately which hasn’t happened any damage.
Samia,
This is a much clearer version of your story. The next step is for you to work on your language. I recommend you try to cut down on your use of the words AND and all forms of the VERB BE.
Rick
Have you ever thought about the fact that maybe that kind of behavior is normal in that kind of a culture and that maybe women from his culture would not have been scared, but actually flattered with such a wooing act from him?
In July of 2005, I spent a month in Bournemouth, a medium-sized beach city in the south of England, studying English with a big group of 30 friends and a teacher. One day, my friends and I went to a disco named Opera House, the most famous disco in town. The Opera house’s decoration was totaly different from the discos in Brazil. It’s form was simply an opera house with distincts spots, each one with a specific type of music and colorful sparks of lights. The company was awesome, because we had met different people from other cultures, from Germany, Spain,USA, to France.
We danced a lot to the ecletic hits of Black music, eletronic, psy, and even Brazilian ones, such as Ivete Sangalo and Banda Eva. We also tried the variety of drinks and mixes of a foreign country, such as Mojito, blood mary, sangria.
We enjoyed each second of it and didn’t want to go home, because all the details were new, from the fact of being in an European country to dancing distinct types of music, observing foreign people dance and also meeting unforgetable people.
However, as we were all staying in host families, the host mothers had imposed that we should be home by 2:00 a.m. Although this time had came, we didn’t want to go home sleep, and consequently wake up at 7:30 for the English test the day after. When we went out, we could hear the blow of the wind and feel how strong and cold the rain was.
Despite all the fun, we needed to get a taxi. Even though we looked for some cabs, we couldn’t find any. Wet and lost, we stared at each other in silence. After obeserving us for a while, a strange man strode towards us. He looked about 30 years old and seemed to come from Arabia, because of his skin color, hair and his sunken nose. His face wasn’t unknown because he was also at the disco, where he wouldn´t stop glancing at me and my group.
He wanted to know if we needed a taxi and asked one for us, because he had the number of the taxi center.
While we were there waiting, we started to talk with the mysterious man. He asked about our trip,if we were alone or with a school group, and if we were enjoying our stay in England. When the taxi arrived in fron tof the disco, we said good bye to the Arabian man and got in it.
However, the weirdo opened the car door, asking if he could come with us since his house was on the way to ours. At that moment, he didn’t convince us, because he didn’t know where our house were localizated. However, after pledging a lot, we agreed on it. On the way home, he wanted to know where we lived ,what we did in our country and so forth.
I was so nervous and frightened that my legs trembled all the way through the short journey to my host family’s house, my hands covered in sweat. I couldn’t wait to reach home because it was the nearest one from the disco. About 15 minutes had gone by. As soon as the taxi pulled over, I grabbed the handle with all my strength as a way to free myself from such a dreadful situation.
When I left the car, I noticed that the odd man had also come out it. When he began to follow me ,I questioned him in a shocked voice what he was doing behind me. As a response, he asked in a hoarse voice if he could spend the night with me. At that moment, my heart pumped out of my mouth leaving me incensed. I told him if he was out of his mind, and denied his indecent proposal.
Fortunately, the cab had remained parked in front of my house, waiting for this scene to come to an end. After all, I told him that he should go home ,leave me alone, because if he didn’t, I would call the police. Finally he agreed, but he wanted to know where my school stayed because he was going to meet me in front of the school’s gate the day after.
Of course, I lied to him. As result, he went away hopeful , because he had really believed that he was going to see me the day after at school.
My parents have always taught me not to talk to strangers, that I have to be aware, avoid being innocent and naive, because part of the world is made of odd and psychopathic people. I never cared a lot about this piece of advice until this incident happenned. Now, I understand their worries, see that we are vunerable beings and that I was an easy target that night and fortunately which hasn’t happened any damage.
Samia,
Rick
Have you ever thought about the fact that maybe that kind of behavior is normal in that kind of a culture and that maybe women from his culture would not have been scared, but actually flattered with such a wooing act from him?
In July of 2005, I spent a month in Bournemouth, a medium-sized beach city in the south of England, studying English with a big group of 30 friends and a teacher. One day, my friends and I went to a disco named Opera House, the most famous disco in town. The Opera house’s decoration was totaly different from the discos in Brazil. It’s form was simply an opera house with distincts spots, each one with a specific type of music and colorful sparks of lights. The company was awesome, because we had met different people from other cultures, from Germany, Spain,USA, to France.
We danced a lot to the ecletic hits of Black music, eletronic, psy, and even Brazilian ones, such as Ivete Sangalo and Banda Eva. We also tried the variety of drinks and mixes of a foreign country, such as Mojito, Blood Mary, Sangria. We enjoyed each second of it and didn’t want to go home, because all the details were new, from the fact of being in an European country to dancing distinct types of music, observing foreign people dance and also meeting unforgetable people.
However, as we were all staying in host families, the host mothers had imposed that we should be home by 2:00 a.m. Although it was already time to head home, we didn’t want to wake up at 7:30 for the English test the day after.
When we went out, we could hear the blow of the wind and feel how strong and cold the rain was. Despite all the fun, we needed to get a taxi. Even though we looked for some cabs, we couldn’t find any. Wet and lost, we stared at each other in silence. After observing us for a while, a strange man strode towards us. He looked about 30 years old and seemed to come from Arabia, because of his skin color, hair and his sunken nose. His face wasn’t unknown because he was also at the disco, where he wouldn´t stop glancing at me and my group.
He wanted to know if we needed a taxi and asked one for us, because he had the number of the taxi center.
While we were waiting, we started to talk with the mysterious man. He asked about our trip, if we were alone or with a school group, and if we were enjoying our stay in England. When the taxi arrived in front of the disco, we said good bye to the Arabian man and got in it.
However, the weirdo opened the car door, asking if he could come with us since his house was on the way to ours. At that moment, he didn’t convince us, because he didn’t know where our addresses. Nevertheless, after pledging a lot, we agreed on it. On the way home, he wanted to know where we lived, what we did in our country and so forth. I was so nervous and frightened that my legs trembled all the way through the short journey to my host family’s house, my hands covered in sweat. I couldn’t wait to reach home because it was the nearest one from the disco. About 15 minutes had gone by. As soon as the taxi pulled over, I grabbed the handle with all my strength as a way to free myself from such a dreadful situation.
When I left the car, I noticed that the odd man had also come out it. When he began to follow me, I questioned him in a shocked voice what he was doing behind me. As a response, he asked me in a hoarse voice if he could spend the night with me. At that moment, my heart pumped out of my mouth leaving me incensed. I told him if he was out of his mind, and denied his indecent proposal.
Fortunately, the cab had remained parked in front of my house, waiting for this scene to come to an end. After all, I told him that he should go home ,leave me alone, because if he didn’t, I would call the police. Finally he agreed, but he wanted to know where my school was because he was going to meet me in front of the school’s gate the day after.
Of course, I lied to him. As result, he went away hopeful , because he had really believed that he was going to see me the day after at school.
My parents have always taught me not to talk to strangers, that I have to be aware, avoid being innocent and naive, because part of the world is made of odd and psychopathic people. I never cared a lot about this piece of advice until this incident happenned. Now, I understand their worries, see that we are vunerable beings and that I was an easy target that night
Content: 5 / 5
Structure: 4.5 / 5
Vocabulary: 4 / 5
Grammar: 4.5 / 5
Mechanics: 5 / 5
23 /25