Bad Christmas
August 13, 2008When I was almost 4 years old, I went to my aunt’s house in Interlagos with my mother, my father and my one year old brother to celebrate Christmas.
My whole family was there waiting for us, so that we could have dinner and open the presents. As we arrived, I was entering the room holding hands with my mother and neither of us saw that the rug was up. I accidentaly put my left foot beneath it and fell, hitting my mouth on the corner of the table. I don’t remember what happened immediattly after because I fainted.
My parents were extremily desperate because my mouth was bleeding a lot. They tried to call my dentist, who was in Ubatuba and told us to go to his sister’s -who is also a dentist- office. Me and my parents arrived there at about midnight and I was exausted. The dentist staid for 2 and a half hours trying to put a special bracet in my teeth so that they didn’t fell of, but it didn’t work as it should. Due to the impact with the table, my front tooth was practically loose.
I left the office at 3 in the morning with a strange bracet. Only Two days later, my tooth fell of. Since I was too young to lose a tooth, I started to use a bracet with a fake one, so that the others teeth didn’t change places, and I had to use it 24 hours a day, only taking it off to eat. However, the fake tooth was darker than the others, and all of my friends and kids I didn’t even know from my school started making fun of me saying that my tooth looked horrible. That made my self-steem decrease a lot, however there was nothing I could do.
I used this bracet with the fake tooth from 4 to 8, when I accidentally lost it at school during break. The moment I lost it, i knew my mother would be very angry at me and would say that I didn’t take good care of it, so I left the classrom and started to look for it everywhere in the school. I also asked the school cleaners if they could help, but they didn’t find it. My mother got very upset and took me to the dentist to see what he could do. When we got there, he told me that I didn’t have to use it anymore because my front tooth was starting to grow. What a luck!
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When I was almost 4 years old, I went to my aunt’s house in Interlagos with my mother, my father and my one year old brother to celebrate Christmas.
My whole family was there (( there where?))waiting for us. As we arrived, I was entering the room ((what room?)) holding hands with my mother and neither of us saw that the rug was up ((rug of what?)). I accidentaly put my left foot beneath it and fell, hitting my mouth on the corner of the table. I don’t remember what happened after ((I guess “what heppened next” sounds better)) because I fainted.
My parents were extremily desperate ((how were they acting?)) because my mouth was bleeding a lot. They tried to call my dentist, who was in Ubatuba and told us to go to his sister’s -who is also a dentist- office. Me and my parents arrived there ((there where?)) at about midnight and I was exausted. The dentist staid for 2 and a half hours trying to put a special bracet in my teeth so that they didn’t (( isn’t it “wouldn’t”?))fell of, but it didn’t work as it should. Due to the impact with the table, my front tooth was practically loose ((verb tense)).
I left the office at 3 in the morning with a strange bracet ((what do you mean by “strange”? How did it look like?)). Only two days later, my tooth ((the front tooth?)) fell of. Since I was too young to lose a tooth, I started to use a bracet with a fake tooth, so that the others teeth didn’t change places, and I had to use it 24 hours a day, only taking it off to eat. But the fake tooth was darker than the others, and everybody started making fun of me saying that my tooth looked horrible, and that made my self-steem decrease a lot ((how did you feel?)), however there was nothing I could do.
I used this bracet with the fake tooth from 4 to 8, when I accidentally lost it at school during break. My mother got very upset ((what did she said?)) and took me to the dentist to see what he could do. When we got there, he told me that I didn’t have to use it anymore because my front tooth was starting to grow. ((How did you feel in that moment?)) What a luck!
When I was almost 4 years old, I went to my aunt’s house in Interlagos with my mother, my father and my one year old brother to celebrate Christmas.
My whole family was there waiting for us. As we arrived, I was entering the room holding hands with my mother and neither of us saw that the rug was up. I accidentaly put my left foot beneath it and fell, hitting my mouth on the corner of the table. I don’t remember what happened after because I fainted.( did someone told you how you were after?)
My parents were extremily desperate because my mouth was bleeding a lot. They tried to call( get contact) my dentist, who was in Ubatuba and told us to go to his sister’s -who is also a dentist- office. Me and my parents( my parents and I) arrived there at about midnight and I was exausted. The dentist staid for 2( hours) and a half hours trying to put a special bracet in my teeth so that they didn’t fell of, but it didn’t work as it should. Due to the impact with the table, my front tooth was practically loose.
I left the office at 3 in the morning with a strange bracet( how starnge, how were you feeling?). Only Two days later, my tooth fell of. Since I was too young to lose a tooth, I started to use a bracet with a fake tooth, so that the others teeth didn’t change places, and I had to use it 24 hours a day, only taking it off to eat. But the fake tooth was darker than the others, and everybody started making fun of me saying that my tooth looked horrible, and that made my self-steem decrease a lot, however there was nothing I could do.
I used this bracet with the fake tooth from 4 to 8, when I accidentally lost it at school during break. My mother got very upset and took me to the dentist to see what he could do. When we got there, he told me that I didn’t have to use it anymore because my front tooth was starting to grow. What a luck!
When I was almost 4 years old, I went to my aunt’s house in Interlagos with my mother, my father and my one-year-old brother to celebrate Christmas.
My whole family was there waiting for us so that we could have dinner and open our presents. As we arrived, I entered the room holding hands with my mother and neither of us had seen that the rug was up.
I accidentaly put my left foot under it and fell onto the floor, hitting my mouth on the corner of the table. I don’t remember what happened afterwards because I had fainted.
My parents were extremely desperate because my mouth was bleeding a lot. They tried to call my dentist up, who was in Ubatuba and told us to go to his sister’s, who was also a dentist. My parents and I arrived there (there where?) at about midnight and I was exausted (Amay, here you are TELLING us you were exhausted when you should be SHOWING us that. You could write something like “When we arrived at the office at midnight, I had already fallen sleep” .
The dentist took two and a half hours trying to put special braces around my teeth so that they wouldn’t fall off, but it didn’t work as effectively as it should. Due to the impact against the table, my front tooth was practically loose.
I left the office at three in the morning wearing strange braces. Only two days later, my tooth fell off. Since I was too young to lose a tooth, I started to wear braces with a fake one so that the other teeth didn’t fall out of place. I had to wear it for 24 hours a day, only taking it off to eat. However, the fake tooth was darker than the others, and all of my friends and kids I didn’t even know from my school started making fun of me saying that my tooth looked horrible. That made my self-esteem decrease a lot (How did you feel about yourself?) However, there was nothing I could do. (What did you do then? Listen to those comments without defending yourself?)
I wore the braces holding the fake tooth from ages 4 to 8, when I accidentally lost it at school during the break. The moment I lost it, I knew my mother would be very angry at me and would say that I hadn’t taken good care of it, so (careful with the overuse of SO because it is the equivalent of DAI in Portuguese.)
I left the classrom and started to look for it everywhere in the school. I also asked the school cleaning staff if they could help me, but they didn’t find it either. My mother got very upset (Again, you are simply TELLING us that your mom was upset without SHOWING it to us.) and took me to the dentist to see what he could do. When we got there (there where?), he (he who?) told me that I didn’t have to use it anymore because my front tooth was starting to grow. How lucky I was!
Amay,
It is a bit too abrupt for you to end your paper here. I would like you to work on a conclusion to your paper. But let me tell you one thing. I am so proud of how much progress you have made from Writing 1 to Writing 2. Your text is full of characteristics that we had discussed previously and looks a lot more American than your texts in the beginning of Writing 1
Rick
When I was almost 4 years old, I went to my aunt’s house in Interlagos with my mother, my father and my one-year-old brother to celebrate Christmas.
My whole family was there waiting for us so that we could have dinner and open our presents. As we arrived, I entered the living room holding hands with my mother and neither of us had seen that the rug was up.
I accidentaly put my left foot under it and fell onto the floor, hitting my mouth on the corner of the table. I don’t remember what happened afterwards because I had fainted.
My parents were extremely desperate because my mouth was bleeding a lot. They tried to call my dentist up, who was in Ubatuba and told us to go to his sister’s, who was also a dentist. My parents and I arrived at her office at about midnight and I had already fallen asleep.
The dentist took two and a half hours trying to put special braces around my teeth so that they wouldn’t fall off, but it didn’t work as effectively as it should. Due to the impact against the table, my front tooth was practically loose.
I left the office at three in the morning wearing strange braces. Only two days later, my tooth fell off. Since I was too young to lose a tooth, I started to wear braces with a fake one so that the other teeth didn’t fall out of place. I had to wear it for 24 hours a day, only taking it off to eat. However, the fake tooth was darker than the others, and all of my friends and kids I didn’t even know from my school started making fun of me saying that my tooth looked horrible. That made my self-esteem decrease a lot because I was felling like a stranger among my friends, which made me cry every day at night with my mother. I decided to explain to my friends that I really had to wear those weird braces in order to have a normal smile like theirs. After my friends and I talked, they stopped making fun of me.
I wore the braces holding the fake tooth from ages 4 to 8, when I accidentally lost it at school during the break. The moment I lost it, I left the classrom and started to look for it everywhere in the school. I also asked the school cleaning staff if they could help me, but they didn’t find it either.I knew my mother would be very angry at me and would say that I hadn’t taken good care of it.
As I suspected, my mother said that although I was only a child, I should have paid more atention with the braces which were my responsability. Also, she didn’t want to buy a new one because it was very expensive and I could lose it again. Later the day that I lost it, she took me to the dentist to see what he could do. When we got in his office, my dentist told me that I didn’t have to use it anymore because my front tooth was starting to grow. How lucky I was!
Amay,
It is a bit too abrupt for you to end your paper here. I would like you to work on a conclusion to your paper. But let me tell you one thing. I am so proud of how much progress you have made from Writing 1 to Writing 2. Your text is full of characteristics that we had discussed previously and looks a lot more American than your texts in the beginning of Writing 1
When I was almost 4 years old, I went to my aunt’s house in Interlagos with my mother, my father and my one-year-old brother to celebrate Christmas.
My whole family was there waiting for us so that we could have dinner and open our presents. As we arrived, I entered the living room holding hands with my mother and neither of us had seen that the rug was up.
I accidentaly put my left foot under it and fell onto the floor, hitting my mouth on the corner of the table. I don’t remember what happened afterwards because I had fainted. My parents were extremely desperate because my mouth was bleeding a lot. They tried to call my dentist up, who was in Ubatuba and told us to go to his sister’s, who was also a dentist. My parents and I arrived at her office at about midnight and I had already fallen asleep.
The dentist took two and a half hours trying to put special braces around my teeth so that they wouldn’t fall off, but it didn’t work as effectively as it should. Due to the impact against the table, my front tooth was practically loose. I left the office at three in the morning wearing strange braces. Only two days later, my tooth fell off.
Since I was too young to lose a tooth, I started to wear braces with a fake one so that the other teeth didn’t fall out of place. I had to wear it for 24 hours a day, only taking it off to eat. However, the fake tooth was darker than the others, and all of my friends and kids I didn’t even know from my school started making fun of me saying that my tooth looked horrible. That (that what?) made my self-esteem decrease a lot because I was feeling like a stranger among my friends, which made me cry every day at night with my mother.
I decided to explain to my friends that I really had to wear those weird braces in order to have a normal smile like theirs. After my friends and I talked, they stopped making fun of me. I wore the braces holding the fake tooth from ages 4 to 8, when I accidentally lost it at school during the break. The moment I lost it, I left the classrom and started to look for it everywhere in the school. I also asked the school cleaning staff if they could help me, but they didn’t find it either.I knew my mother would be very angry at me and would say that I hadn’t taken good care of it.
As I suspected, my mother said that although I was only a child, I should have paid more atention with the braces which were my responsability. Also, she didn’t want to buy a new one because it was very expensive and I could lose it again. Later on that day, she took me to the dentist to see what he could do. When we got in his office, my dentist told me that I didn’t have to wear it anymore because my front tooth was starting to grow. How lucky I was!
Amay,
It is a bit too abrupt for you to end your paper here. I would like you to work on a conclusion to your paper. But let me tell you one thing. I am so proud of how much progress you have made from Writing 1 to Writing 2. Your text is full of characteristics that we had discussed previously and looks a lot more American than your texts in the beginning of Writing 1
Content: 4 / 5
Structure: 4 / 5
Vocabulary: 4.5 / 5
Grammar: 5 / 5
Mechanics: 4.5 / 5
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