Here I Am by Eliana

There I stood still, in the delivery room, after six years trying to get pregnant, after having faced two abortions in between, just waiting for  my son to be born. I had chosen the name Samuel since the doctor had disclosed to me the gender of my baby. Samuel joinded this world on a Friday, September 13,1996, the happiest day of my life.

 At that time, it had never occurred me that having a baby would change my life so much as it did. At first I only thought that my days would be a bed of roses, but life had proved wrong one more time. After Samuel was born I fell in depression, throwing me into a world of a huge sadness and loneliness, I used to woke up late at night to feed him, feeling tired and starting to cry. During the day I also had the feeling that taking care of my new born baby would turn into be an impossible task for me to carry on, even thinking that I had made the wrong decision to have a baby, because I felt so unhappy about being a mom. Eventhough I simply was deeply in love with my son I couldn’t enjoy that precious moment of my life because my husband couldn’t undertand that I was fragile, and besides he became jealous about the time I spend with my baby. It turned out into a huge problem because he didn’t help me when more I needed, I felt abandoned and frustraded. 

Fortunately I had my mother’s help, as a support system, showing me how I had to manage my life with her own experience about being a mom, for about two weeks she slept over my house, taking care of me, giving some hints of nursering and helping when I didin1t know what to do when the baby cried. Her help and love were very important for me at that time of turbulence.

 For a long time there was no more me, Samuel took the centre of our lives and sometimes I felt that I would never have time for me anymore, but the time went by as my depression and I could finally felt happy again, enjoying the fact that being a mom was a Good bleessing. Nothing can be compared to this experience, If I had to do it all again, I would.